If you like Pina Coladas, Getting Caught in the Rain...

You know how in some music videos or movies you see rain coming down and there are people standing in the street enjoying the rain and singing, that's exactly how it is here...NOT!

The first time I had my first experience of getting caught in the rain in Haiti, I was at the clinic and we had already finished work for the day so we were waiting to get picked up by a tap-tap to take us back to the volunteer house (before we moved in with Dwight). It started raining and everyone ran inside. I was so confused, wasn't rain a good thing? It meant water for showering, cleaning, etc. and equally important in my book, it would cool everything down! I walked out into the rain to feel it cool me off while I went to go help an elderly woman walking on the street who was pushing water toward a stream that had begun to grow in size (there is always a flow of water down the road but when it rains that obviously gets bigger). She yelled at me in Kreyol and gestured for me to go inside saying "You're crazy you're going to get wet!" I just looked at her confused thinking "Yea, it feels good nd I won't melt" but I walked back inside because it wasn't worth arguing and she didn't seem to want any help.

About 5 minutes later I saw why she wanted me out of the street and why everyone was going inside. The rain came down in sheets (just like it is right now as I'm sitting and writing this, which means I'm going to be spending the night at the clinic tonight cause that's where I am now and it's already late) and almost instantaneously the road turned into a river (literally there were rapids you could have rafted it! Can't wait to post pictures!) As this happened, people all around began running toward the street throwing trash into the "river"! Before I knew it, the "river" was carrying down bags and bags of trash quickly and other kinds of waste without bags. I watched in abject horror as 3 kids ran into the streat naked to bathe in the trash-filled-flash flood. No wonder we see so many cases of people with water parasites! But not everyone was using the street to shower, many people ran onto their roofs and bathed there some filling buckets of water to use later others just finding an area on the roof where there was a pipe they could stand under to get a nice steady flow of water.

Meanwhile the water just kept getting higher and higher and on a flooded rock/dirt road that's already uneven, there was no way to get any kind of car or truck through. This could only mean one thing, it was time to start making the trek up the raging river of trash to get to the main road where the tap-tap was waiting fo us. 2 guys from the house came to get Doucette and me so the 4 of us (Santil, Adams, Doucette and I) made our way carefully trying to stay to the sides up against the houses and avoid the water, but there was almost no way to avoid it in many areas where the water came up past my knees. All I could do was tell myself, "Just don't think about what you're stepping in", but that failed miserably. All I could picture in my head was the severed finger I had found on the road earlier that day which must have been washed onto the road from the storm the previous night (probably from underneath a pile of rubble somewhere).

Just when I thought I couldn't take the thought of walking in God-only-knows what, I looked over the ledge of the house I was clinging to and realized the inside was flooding with garbage and water. I couldn't stand the thought of walking in this for 15-20 minutes imagine how whoever lived here felt. Not just in that house, but houses all down the road had water flooding them whenever it rained (because it usually pours when it rains and when it doesn't pour, the rain just brings up heat from the ground and makes it even hotter so either way you lose).

When we finally made it to the tap-tap we were all soaked to the bone but the adventure didn't end there. Driving back to the house the tap-tap had to go through so much water I was worried we wouldn't make it (though a much more recent tap-tap experience like this one involved water coming up through the floor and into the tap-tap and the driver telling Doucette that we better pray because he had little to no control and was worried we would be spending the night in Karfu because the engine was flooding and we were basically floating down the road until we were able to get close to the back of a truck so that we could follow it and ride in it's wake!)

This tap-tap experience was also made a little scarier when a man jumped into the back of the tap-tap with us and when we tried to tell him it was a private tap-tap he flipped out and decided to single me out even though I spoke the least and the only thing I had said was "No". He started screaming obscenities at me which included comments regarding the color of my skin, but before he was able to lunge at me, Adams and Santil pulled him away from me and pushed him out of the tap-tap and wouldn't let him back on. Then they explained to me that the man was mentally unstable and was muttering to himself and I shouldn't worry about him. At that point I just wanted to get home it was more than enough excitement for me for one day!

We made it home just fine but I couldn't stop thinking about the rain. Not only does it compromise travel which causes a lot of problems on its own, but the sanitation problems that arise and bring a myriad of other problems (some as serious as birth defects like the one a little girl named Bushna, who we treat at the clinic, has. Hers prohibits her from growing or gaining weight so even though she is about 2 years old she only weighs 7.5 Kg which is roughly 16.5 lbs and it is related to a lack of clean water).

I also want to reiterate at this time that not everyone lives this way. There are people in Haiti with showers in their homes who don't shower in the streets (though some of these people may have a shower in their home and still chose to shower in the streets). Also I would like to remind you that not everyone in Haiti throws their trash into the street when it rains, there are wealthy and poor areas of Haiti just like everywhere else. But at the main clinic where I was working on this particular day that was the case. My wish is that everyone could have access to clean water and a sanitation system that would discourage people from throwing their trash into the street when it rains (or any other time for that matter), and lastly of course for better roads and a sewage system that helps prevent flooding but at the moment those feel like distant dreams so I hope to continue talks with those in the process of helping plan to come up with a solution for the problems I've mentioned in this entry. If anyone else has any solutions I'm all ears!

Just Another Day at the Beach

Perhaps I have neglected to mention a very crucial part of the Haiti experience, EXTREME HEAT! Take it from someone who is normally always cold, having a layer of skin feels like too much in this heat! There is a remedy to the heat and humidity it's called, the beach!

When Doucette and I finally convinced Dwight to take us to the beach I had no idea what I was in for. The drive was about 45 mins but luckily we were in Dwight's car not in a Tap-Tap so it was a pleasant ride. On the way, Doucette and Dwight got into a discussion about the mass graves. After the earth quake so many people were killed that there wasn't enough space to bury people so Dwight told me that the bodies were loaded into dump trucks and taken to ditches where they were dumped and covered. Dwight warned us that when driving near any of the mass graves the smell of decomposing bodies is so overwhelming that there's no way to ignore what you're driving past. He also explained that after the quake, one of the ways people were able to locate dead bodies burried underneath rubble was by following large groups of flies. Where the flies were heavily concentrated, there was usually dead bodies underneath. We didn't pass any of the mass graves on the way to the beach but we did pass a few areas where people were buried after the quake.

Upon our arrival at the beach, Doucette informed me that I had to try a delicacy known as Lan Bi. Lan Bi is conch from a conch shell and it tastes kind of like Octapus. It is very popular at the beach where it's the most fresh and where it's cooked over an open fire and covered in a sauce containing a variety of Haitian spices (but it is cooked differently depending on where you eat it). After I had already devoured a plate full of Lan Bi, Doucette and Dwight started laughing and told me that Lan Bi is notorious for being a very powerful aphrodesiac...jokes ensued. Thanks a lot guys, thanks a lot!

After eating, I went right back into the water where there was a man swimming laps. I directed Doucette's attention toward the man because I noticed right away he was very good looking. He had a tan body which he clearly took excellent care of, dark hair, and when he came closer, bright blue eyes. I didn't want to be obvious so I didn't stare but maybe he saw us looking or maybe I just stand out because I am very light, whatever the reason he came over to us and tried to talk. He was from Brasil, his name was Christiano (the same name as my favorite soccer player), and he was in Haiti working for the UN as an officer. That was about all I was able to decipher through a mixture of Portuguese and Spanish (which I learned are very different!) He was trying to talk to me beyond that and I couldn't understand him until we found a Haitian guy who spoke Portuguese and he was able to translate into Kreyol for Doucette who was able to translate into English for me (quite the process).

Christiano said to me, "You are so beautiful! I love to look at you and if you lived in my country Brasil I want to marry you and make you my wife!" This was followed by a short amount of talking before Christiano said, "I want to sleep with you tonight"...GAME OVER BRAZILIAN MAN, GAME OVER! I don't know if he ate too much Lan Bi or I ate too little, but I just walked away and left him standing there. I heard stories of UN officers attempting to proposition Haitian women for sex (Flo, Doucette, and their friends told me stories of officers coming up to them and holding out money asking for sex) but I was still caught off guard by his epic fail of a pick up attempt and all I could do was laugh hysterically and walk away.

An hour or so after shattering Christiano's ego, Aigo (Doucette's boyfriend) came running down the beach yelling for me to come with him. At first I thought he was joking then he got more insistant and said, "Lee, Doucette needs your help someone is in trouble." I ran out of the water and threw on a shirt as I continued to run down the beach baywatch style (though so much less gracefully).

About 1/2 a mile down the beach a very large crowd was gathered around a man laying on the ground and there were Brazilian UN officers controlling the scene. Although Doucette tried to help because she told me the man who was the primary on the scene was having difficulty (which became apparent later) the officers would not let her through. When they saw me, they saw that I was white and they automatically assumed I was a doctor (that happens a lot here) and they let me right in. I pulled Doucette through with me and told them if they wanted my help they had to let her come with me. Then another man stopped me and good old Christiano explained that I wasn't a doctor but I could help because I had training for this situation. One of the men spoke English so I asked him what happened.

He told me the Haitian man laying on the ground was very drunk (which I didn't need him to tell me because I could smell that he'd been drinking for hours) and that he had jumped off a pier and when he didn't come up 4 men carried him out of the water and he wasn't breathing. The man speaking told me he was a nurse so he gave the man "chest thrusts" (which could either mean CPR or maybe he meant abdominal thrusts I wasn't really sure) but he looked at me scared and in a panicked voice he said, "What do I do now?!?!" I had already been checking the man's ABC's (airway, breathing, and circulation) so I knew that he had a pulse and he was breathing. I told the man good job he's breathing now, but he's vommiting and asphixiating on vomit so we have to turn him on his side and keep his airway open. 3 officers helped me turn him on his side and keep his airway open while the others continued to help with crowd control and take pictures (which I thought was inappropriate but I had enough to do so I ignored it), and Doucette stayed back with Aigo and explained to him what was going on. I told the nurse we had to do finger sweeps because there was vomit stuck in the man's mouth and it was obstructing his airway (and I could see it to remove it).

I didn't have gloves so the nurse handed me guaze and I used that as a disease barrier while I did continual finger sweeps and kept the man's airway open using a jaw thrust. I noticed he was shaking and he had shallow breathing (he was also still very out of it) so I told the nurse that we needed to get him out of the sun, away from the crowds, and to a hospital. I also suspected he might be going into shock (shallow breathing, paling skin, and shaking are all signs of shock) so I instructed the nurse that absolutely no one was to give him food or water even though he stopped vommiting.

We lifted the man and carried him into the shade while the Brazilian nurse managed to recruit someone from the crowd that followed us to drive a car and transport the man and a small team of officers to the hospital where he could receive further medical care and observation that he needed. I instructed the nurse to keep the man's airway open and continue with finger sweeps if necessary and no food or water. I made him repeat what I told him to make sure he had heard me and was paying attention. He said thank you and they left with the man to take him to the hospital. I got a smile and a nod from Christiano before I headed to the outdoor showers to rinse off and that was the last I saw of my misguided Brazilian friend.

The rest of the day was spent swimming and relaxing before stopping in Acaye (not sure about the spelling) for dinner and dancing. A perfect end to an eventful day!

TAP-TAP Confessions!

After the last blog entry, I felt something less emotional might be a good idea. In the beginning I touched slightly on how insane the driving here is, now I'm going to go into a little more detail. The stories in this entry are all things I have witnessed from the back of a Tap-Tap or things that I have seen a Tap-Tap do.

Welcome to a world where stop lights are optional, lanes are non-existant, and pedestrians on the sidewalks are "fair game". The next time someone complains about my driving I'm going to tell them to come here!

For clarification, a "Tap-Tap" is a small truck with wooden benches lining either side of the back and soem kind of tin covering the top and sides in some way. They are usually what I would call "lest leg" cars because they are on their "last leg". Most Tap-Taps are barely held together and by some miracle they still run (most of the time). Tap-Taps are like buses in that you can call and order one to take a group to a specific location or drive a group around for the day at a set price, or you can hail one off the street (like a taxi) and ride its set route. In order to stop the Tap-Tap you use a pen attached to a piece of string to tap on the back window of the truck so that the driver knows to stop, hence the name "Tap-Tap".

When you hail a Tap-Tap off the street it's all about survival skills. Who can you beat out to get thtere first and who can you physically beat out of the way to get on. Almost every time we go by Tap-Tap, the race to get on starts about half a block away and we have to try to get on while it's still moving. Once we are on, we watch as people fist fight, push, and shove to get on and find a seat.

Once you finally get on a Tap-Tap who and who and what are you sharing it with? The answer is as many people as can humanly fit and whatever those people are carrying (that includes livestock!) Most of the Tap-Taps even have a rusty untrustworthy ledge for people to stand on and hang off the back of the Tap-Tap. I refuse to be that person after watching a man holding onto a Tap-Tap fall off and roll onto the street because the metal piece suddenly fell off! Luckily the man was ok but I will never trust those flimsy pieces of metal again!

Another day I was sitting in the back of a Tap-Tap talking to Doucette about how crazy and random driving in Haiti is. She told me it was only random because I didn't understand it but that there was actually a system. Shortly after telling me this we witnessed 2 cars get into a car accident and block off the whole street while the drivers sat there arguing. I looked at Doucette and said "Guess I'm not the only one who doesn't understand the 'system'!"

My lack of understanding Haitian driving extends to sidewalks. I always thought that if you are walking on the sidewalk you are safe from cars for I learned that this is false while Marie, Wibbins, Oksana, Doucette, "G", and I had to dive off ot the sidewalk to avoid a truck who decided that passing in the left lane was not enough, so he drove onto the sidewalk next to the left lane to pass a Tap-Tap that was stuck! Sadly I have seen many cars (including Tap-Taps I was in) do this every day and pedestrians just have to jump out of the way where ever they can to avoid being hit.

Riding in the back of a Tap-Tap yesterday on my way to work, Doucette and I saw a Bies (pronounced bees)catch on fire. A bies is a slightly more expensive (but equally run down) kind of tap-tap that is more van-like and has the doors missing. Somehow the passanger side was on fire and it was in a gas station (not somewhere I would chose to go with a car on fire, but hey, I wasn't driving) while people were trying to throw water at it so that they could put out the flames. No one appeared to be hurt, but our Tap-Tap was not sticking around very long to find out details.

One of the most "interesting" experiences I have had while riding in a Tap-Tap happened on Doucette and my way to the clinic one day. Doucette and I were the only 2 in the Tap-Tap because our group rented it out for the morning so that we could get to work. We were going up a hill that was fairly steep when all of a sudden we started sliding down it backwards. The driver pressed the brake as hard as he could and we stopped sliding temporarily but everytime he tried to press the gas we continued to slide down the hill backwards. Doucette and I tried to get out of the car but the driver told us to stay in, he told us we would be ok. There was an Iraqi UN officer standing outside and he asked us if we were ok. We said yes but he waited and watched to make sure. That was when our driver lost all control and we went careening backwards down the street and off the road onto a pile of rubble from a supermarket that had collapsed during the earthquake.

That's when the driver told us he had "transmission problems" (meanwhile his break light and oil light were both on and he clearly had no control over his car) so that's when Doucette and I got out and ignored him while he was insisting we would be fine and we should stay in the car. We watched from our position perched atop a nearby pile of rubble as the driver again attempted wedge his way off the pile of rubble and onto the street. Then, as he tried again to make it up the hill, he went all of the way backward down the road almost taking out a pedestrian and a bunch of angry cars as he did. While he continued to struggle, Doucette and I decided it was quickly time to rethink our own location due to falling rubble from what was left of the supermarket. We made our way toward the Iraqi officer who gave us a nod and left after seeing that we were ok. We were just rounding the corner when the Tap-Tap driver finally made it up the hill and made his way over to us telling us to get back in his Tap-Tap. I don't know what he was smoking but neither Doucette nor I were willing to go with him after that. There were plenty more hills busier and steeper than that one on our way to the clinic and neither of us wanted to risk staying with him for those so we called and had somebody from the house pick us up. The best part was the driver, who didn't even come close to getting us halfway to the clinic, driving back to the house and asking to be paid for his "services" YEA RIGHT! (Le Fou = he's crazy!)

Needless to say, life is never dull in the back of a Tap-Tap in Haiti!

Kreyol Word: Manifestacion (pronounced "manifestasy own" pretty much just as its spelled) and means riot

The Tip of the Iceberg

As I stated before, although Doucette and I are living with Dwight now, we are still continuing to work with Dr. Joey and Dr. Jackie at their various free clinics. We are helping them to expand their work into areas that normally don't see medicine.

For instance, we have set up a tent clinic in one of the tent cities near the main clinic. In a previous entry I talked about tent cities and some signs posted outside of them saying "We need help! Send doctors, food, water, tents, and money". We are the doctor portion of the answer for at least one of the tent cities where they had no prior access to medicine. Going into my first tent city was a very powerful experience. There were people lined up all around us waiting to get their blood pressure checked by Doucette and I and then get in to see the doctors and receive medicine. Dr. Joey and Dr. Jackie have started a new blood pressure program to treat people with high and low blood pressure so we registered over 200 people!

During a break I was able to walk around and take pictures. As far as I could see there were tents everywhere! Ironically, the landscape looked so beautiful covered with different colored and shaped tents with beautiful mountains for a back drop. But what you won't see in the photos (once I'm able to post them) is the extreme heat from the sun beating down on the tents and tarps, or the lack of clean drinking and bathing water, the lack of a waste management system so that in addition to malnourishment the people living in tent cities are at risk for an assortment of other health problems (i.e. parasites, birth defects, high infant mortality, etc.)

In addition to the problems I briefly mentioned above, another problem plaguing many residents of the tent cities and other impoverished areas in Haiti is a lack of school. I can't speak for all tent cities or all children in Cite Soliel (another area that is extremely below the poverty line) but in the tent city we were in there was no evidence of a school system in place. In Cite Soliel there are some schools but it is my understanding that in many cases a lack of funding to buy uniforms prevents a large group of children from access to education as well.

While many kids elsewhere in the world who have education available to them have a tendency to take it for granted (myself included), the children in these areas are extremely limited in what they can do during the day to keep occupied. I found a few kids with toys that seemed to bring them joy but lacking an education is a real problem that seems to only further enforce the glass ceiling that is ever present over these kids' heads.

Additionally, adults and children alike in these areas are finding other ways to entertain themselves. As Dr. Joey put it "Their choices are either having sex, listening to the radio, or having sex while listening to the radio". While sex is a healthy part of human nature, whithout taking certain precautions, sex can cause a lot of problems. Hence, the quest to promote safe sex!

I wish I could convey how many cases of STDs and infections we see on a regular basis and tell some of the stories but due to a shortage of time I suppose those will have to wait for another day. I will say that on Friday, Doucette and I were able to go into the 2 clinics Dr. Jackie and Dr. Joey run in Cite Soliel and conduct HIV testing! It was probably one of the most exciting things we have gotten to do because before Friday there was no documented information about how prevalant HIV/AIDS are in that area. After we told people their results, Doucette or Flo (one of the nurses we work with) talked to each patient about how to protect against HIV and STDs and encouraged the individual to ask any questions he or she might have. (My Kreyol is nowhere near advanced enough to have that conversation).

We were pleasantly surprised to find almost every patient we tested was negative! We only had 2 patients with results of "unkown" and 1 patient who tested positive for HIV. (I don't know the exact number off hand of how many people we tested but if I had to guess it would be around 60 or more).

I was testing one woman, and I pricked her finger and squeezed out the droplets of blood onto the test strip just like I did with everyone else. Once the test was finished I sent her away and told her that I'd call her back when I had her results. I looked at the strip a few minutes later and it had 2 lines...positive for HIV. A sheer panic shot through my body and immediately I checked my gloves for holes and made sure there was no blood on my body or clothes. Of course there were no holes and ther was no blood because I had been careful while testing her just like I was careful testing everyone else and in general working with cuts. But the reaction was so instictive, so automatic I couldn't help it. Then there was more fear...how was I going to tell this woman that she was HIV positive? How was I going to tell her that she came in for something small and her whole life was about to change?

I called Flo over to show her the results and I asked her what we should do? She said it was better if one of the doctors talked to the woman. I hate myself for feeling this way but when I heard her say that I was so relieved. I was relieved that I didn't have to be the one to tell her that her life was about to change, I was relieved I wouldn't have to see the look on her face when she found out, and most of all I was relieved it wasn't me who was HIV positive.

I heard from Flo that when the doctor told her she was completely surprised and said she had only had sex with her husband. Instead of stating what we usually find in a lot of cases with STDs (the spouse is cheating), Flo explained that there are other ways to get HIV and she told the woman about those as well and got her information so that she could continue to receive treatment she needs.

In spite of my gut reaction, I still want to continue testing people and helping with preventative medicine because my hope is that each day that we help explain how to protect from HIV will be one less person who tests positive hopefully in the future.

Dr. Joey has proposed a plan to gain access to a giant movie projector and show movies for free once a week or so in some of the tent cities to help reduce boredom and give people in those areas soemthing to look forward to. Although it's not a perfect solution to the whole problem, it will help. Being in Haiti has taught me that while it's important not to ignore the whole picture, it's also important to break it down sometimes and take wins where you can because little wins here and there add up eventually.

Kreyol Word: Kijen Ou Ye (pronounced key jay ooo yeay) means How are you?

It's been a while...

The purpose of this blog entry is to give you a brief update about what has transpired since it's been a while since my last entry and there's been a lot going on. I wish I could cover everything, but I can't so I'll just go over some of the major things in this entry and the next few entries to catch you up to speed. I want to warn you that because it has been so long since my last post, the next few entries didn't occur in chronological order but have occurred some time in the past few weeks.

First and foremost, Doucette and I moved out of the house! We are now staying with Doucette's brother, Dwight, (my Haitian brother) at his house. We will most likely be spending the remainder of our stay in Haiti at Dwight's house where we are spoiled with cold water and our own rooms! We even have pets living with us at the house including 4 dogs and a cat. We were warned at first that the dogs were mean and would tear us up because they are very protective but within about a week of us living in the house they seem to have adjusted and will now let me go outside without barking at me and pet them or roll over for a belly rub (not so tough now I guess!)

Having animals around has been good for me because I love animals and being around them makes me feel at home, but there is one animal I'm not happy to have around me. Her name is Mimi and she is the most spoiled, stuck up cat on the planet. While other cats in Haiti are starving because they can't find food, Mimi is starving because she refuses to eat anything that isn't "people food" she is literally wasting away. Not only that, but she waits by our feet while we eat meowing loudly and biting and scratching when you don't give her food. When she does get food, she shuts up long enough to eat it and then continues being the spoiled brat that she is. One day she was really getting terrible and she clawed my leg which is already full of cuts so it started bleeding. Needless to say I was not happy so I locked her in the bathroom in my room thinking she would stop after that. Somehow that psycho cat scaled the bathroom wall to a ledge where she made her way down and then scaled my bedroom door (way above the ground) to a perch where she watched us through glass and pawed at the glass wining for food still, unbelievable! I kid you not when I say that I have never been one to believe in animal abuse and this cat is testing that theory to the max! She also makes her way into my room late at night while I'm sleeping and starts meowing or clawing me so I have threatened to fry her up with some nice picklees (Haitian spices) and serve her to people who are hungry (though to be honest she wouldn't even feed one person she is that snobby about her food!) I have learned to get her away for short periods of time by spraying her with water (it annoys her but doesn't hurt her so I feel O.K. about doing it). Ironically the same solution I used when boys at the house were peeping through our window while we were changing (I took a spray bottle and sprayed them so they would stop peaking through! haha).

Luckily my time with Mimi is fairly limited because Doucette and I are busy most of the days going to work. Although we moved out of the house, Doucette and I are continuing our work with Dr. Joey and his staff at the various clinics (mostly in Cite Soliel). We plan to expand our work so that we can also work with the Red Cross during the week when we are not at the clinic and then help with HIV/AIDS and STD prevention on the weekends by working with the CDC (Center for Disease Control) or a few other groups in teaching sex ed classes to people, handing out condoms, providing testing and medication for HIV and medication for STDs to those who need it. At the clinic we are still working in with Dr. Joey I have been learning so much. In addition to the medical work Doucette and I were doing before, Dr. Joey and Dr. Jackie have me sitting in on incisions they are doing so that I can learn to souture (I still need some practice on a Chicken before I can do those on a human), inserting IVs, sitting in on diagnoses so I can see and hear symptoms for diseases that are common here (lots of scavies, malaria, and TB), and a variety of other medical procedures. I am very excited about the work we are doing and although there have been days that are hard, my enthusiasm for the work has not died out in the least!

Especially after having some unfortunate experience with sickness myself, I understand a little bit what some of the patients we see are going through and I am so thankful to be a part of the effort to bring them medication. Unfortunately, even though I have tried to take every precaution possible (unlike Doucette who at a Pattie from a street vendor in Cite Soliel and got sick that way), I somehow managed to get a terrible case of food poisoning and lucky me, I had parasites at the same time (Joy of all joys!) Without going into too much detail, I will say it was an extremely unpleasant experience but I was fortunate enough to have Dr. Joey there to give me medicine for both so I am feeling much better now! I hope to stay healthy the rest of the trip and continue to enjoy the rich food and culture Haiti has to offer!

I want to finish this entry by promising that I will try to continue updating the blog but now that we live with Dwight internet is even more limited and we have to go to an internet cafe to pay for internet where we may or may not have it available. At the moment one of Doucette's friends is lending me the internet at his house so I can post a few entries today but I apologize in advance if there are long periods of time between posts in the future or for the mass posts like the one today. If you have any comments or questions please let me know any suggestions on something you would like to hear more about or less about I will try to take into consideration! Other than that, hope you are enjoying the blog!

Kreyol Word: Ou Fou (pronounced oo fooo) means "You're crazy"

You Bite Me I Bite Back!!!

As some of you may have heard, Haiti is still experiencing after shocks and storms. The after shocks are not that bad, it is just every once in a while there is random shaking. I usually don't even feel it but many of the Haitians that do are extremely terrified and run out of their homes into the street at the first sign of shaking it is very scary for them. Our cook was in the upstairs bathroom when we had one of the after shocks and he came running down to tell us the toilet shook! One of the Russian guys in the house started laughing and teased him that it wasn't the after shook it was what he was doing that made the toilet shake haha!

The storms usually come at night and are good for cooling off, but terrible for what they do to the camps. One of the first storms caused a lot of trouble at Miami hospital. When I went with Marie to get her belongings and look around Miami Hospital we met with the head of the OR who is our P.O.C. (point of contact) and she told us that the OR is down because the storm caused water to mix with the electricity and there was a fire in the OR so they were working to repair and reopen it while we were there. Sandra, our P.O.C., told us that she will probably need us to stay and help out for at least a month so I worked everything out so that we are scheduled to go to Miami Hospital after Marie leaves because that way we can finish up working with Dr. Joey some more and spend more time with Marie before she
leaves next week ;(

How much are Doucette, Oksana, and I going to miss our little French Canadian friend you ask? We don't have T.V. in Haiti so Marie is basically our entertainment. Sometimes she doesn't even mean to be entertaining, I'll just walk into the room and she will be doing something ridiculous like chasing random flies and mosquitoes in our room with bug spray while screaming in her French accent "YOU BITE ME AND I BITE YOU BACK MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Usually when this happens I have learned to get out of the way or I get soaked in mosquito repellent while she yells, "NO ONE IS SAFE!!!!" If you have ever seen the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding, the dad in it is obsessed with Windex which he uses on everyone for everything, Marie is the same way with bug spray! Yes, we will miss our beloved roommate dearly!

But what does she do when she do when she isn't in bug zapping mode? She works at the clinic with us and helps translate when needed. The other day she helped me to work with a man who came to us and told us that he had been unable to feel better since losing his two young cousins in the earth quake. He pulled out pictures and showed us these two adorable kids while we talked to him and taught him ways he could try to feel better and develop support groups. He told me that was the first time anyone listened to him and he felt so good that he wanted to talk to me every day! I told him that I would talk to him whenever we were at the tent clinic he was close to and he seemed very relieved and optimistic to have someone to talk to. It was
very rewarding.

As a matter of fact, many of the recent days have brought successes such as that man, but one of my favorite success stories is about a woman named Roseline. Rosie, as she likes to be called, speaks English so I was able to talk to her without a translator! She to the clinic complaining of lack of sleep, headaches, and stress due to her son who displays traits of both ADHD and Autism. I didn't talk to her son as much, instead I focused on her. She opened up to me and explained that her house collapsed during the earthquake killing four people as it came down. There were four people who were renting from her and she has been carrying around guilt since the quake because she felt that the house she built was what killed them. She said that when she tried to talk to people about how she was feeling they told her that she should care more about losing her house than about the people it killed but that didn't sit well with her. After the quake, she told me that people she once considered her friends looted her house with her and her son inside and she felt powerless and scared for her and her son's life. She also felt so alone, telling me, "Before the quake I was Mom to everyone, after the quake no one came to me and asked 'how are you doing Mom?' Or told me they were glad that I was ok. If I died in the quake who would notice who would care? I'm so sad all of the time and I feel like I have no control over my life or Richie anymore. I can't even look at my house. I take other ways on the street to avoid passing it and when I have to pass it I cover my eyes so I don't have to see the place where my house killed people I ate with,
slept with, talked with, etc every day."

She started crying and I did something a little un-orthadox. I reached out my hands for her to hold and told her that her story meant something to me and that I was thankful she and Richie were OK. I also told her that if there was ever another earth quake I would notice if she went missing because she could always write to me and keep in touch. She told me that was exactly what she needed to hear and no one said it. I promised her that I would write her story here for all of my family, friends, and the world to see so that everyone would know and care if anything happened to her. She gave me a huge hug saying over and over, "Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" I also told her that she needed to stop blaming herself, she did not cause the earthquake and the deaths were not her fault. We discussed some other things going on and I told her that I would see her the next day.

Yesterday she came back to the clinic to talk to me. She told me that after talking to me the day before, she was able to go to her house for the first time since the quake and look at it without crying. She said she spent hours in front of her house planting flowers on her lawn to commemorate the people who died inside of it when it collapsed. She told me she did not feel sad or feel like crying she felt relieved and she finally felt some closure. She also told me that she thought about it and decided that she wanted to live with her sister in New York for a little while so that her son could receive some treatment and schooling he needed and that she was going to try to help the family of one of the people who died in her house.

All in all, the days have gotten better now that I am used to the routine and I feel like I have been able to help people and I cannot wait to continue to help more in the days and months to come!

Kreyol Word of the Day: mwen renmen ou (mwoy ray-mayo) I Love You

My Night as Haitian Pop Artist Arm Candy

Although the plan for my birthday was to go to Miami hospital, that ended up not working out due to transportation complications so instead we got the day to sleep which turned out fine by me because I needed the sleep! At our nightly meeting, one of the guys in the house announced to the entire group that it was my birthday and everyone sang to me. It was so sweet!

The next day we didn't go to Miami Hospital either. Instead the whole house was called to help unload a ship full of supplies that we got in. We were there for the entire day until we were finally able to take a Tap Tap (Haitian cab/bus) home. I was so exhausted that all I wanted to do was shower and sleep but my roommates had other plans.

They convinced me to go out and we got ready in a hurry. Yes, that's right, I GOT READY IN A HURRY AND DIDN'T MAKE PEOPLE WAIT (to my Mom, Nana, and anyone else who knows me well, I have been the cleanest roommate and I have always been on time which Doucette, Marie, and Oksana will all back me up in saying!) We were going to see a Haitian concert which is actually called a "ball". It's a little more fancy than a concert and slightly smaller, but not by much. This was a black and white party which meant everyone needed to be dressed in black and white, and it was the first ball or decent sized gathering of any kind since the earthquake hit so it was a very big deal. The main artist was a guy named Shabba who is very famous here in Haiti and, as it turns out, internationally. As it also turns out, Shabba is a good friend of Oksana's! Shabba showed up to the house and picked us up in his very nice car to drive us to his own concert...AWESOME!!!

Oksana insisted that I sit in the front so that I could talk to Shabba more and enjoy the air conditioning (also amazing)! As we neared the area where the concert was being held, there was a police check point. Shabba didn't want to be late so he used a Haitian driving solution to solve the problem, made his own lane and bipassed traffic. As we were about to get stopped by the checkpoint, Shabba turned on his light and the officer looked inside to see who it was..."SHABBA!!!" Thus began the mad frenzy and amateur paparazzi. People all around flocking to look inside the car, trying to run up and shake his hand through the driver's side window etc. Another girl came up to the window and was talking to him (he seemed to know her) and as she talked to Shabba, she inspected the four of us up and down and glared at each of us as if we were taking her man away from her haha.

We finally parked the car and made our way to the door with Shabba grabbing my hand and ushering me into the VIP area backstage. He had the four of us sit backstage where we could enjoy the show and beverage services (though to be honest, all of us were too tired to drink alcohol so we just ordered water to try to stay hydrated). In spite of the extreme heat and massive amounts of sweat pouring out of every pore, the concert was amazing. The music, the dancing, the vibe from all the people was just really amazing! On top of everything else, Shabba announced to the entire concert that he wanted to say "Happy Birthday Lee!" and mentioned me a few times it was incredible! I was standing right there when he said it too because the backstage area was basically listening and dancing on stage (I can't wait to upload my pictures so I can show you what I mean!)

At one point while we were taking a break and sitting under the fans to try and cool off a little bit, I heard a woman speaking English. I went over and struck up a conversation only to find out she was an American from California who is in Haiti to help work with an orphanage. I told her what we were doing here and she was very interested in connecting to try to help Dr. Joey make other connections to further promote Haitians helping other Haitians.

While she and I were having an in-depth conversation about the organization we have seen in this country, (or in many cases, the lack there of), a man came up to me to shake my hand. I shook his hand, smiled. introduced myself and asked his name. He told me his name was "T poosh" and I said "nice to meet you" in French and than turned back to continue my conversation. Everyone in the room started laughing including "T poosh". Apparently, he is a big deal and I had no idea haha! He was one of Shabba's co-artists and wrote all of the songs for the band as well...OOPS! My lack of knowledge of his identity didn't seem to phase him as he continued to talk to me. He then went up to Oksana (who he already knew) and told her, "I like your friend, she's amazing and beautiful". He told me to listen to the music that he would play something for me. The concert was amazing and the music was just what all of us needed to unwind.

As we left with Shabba at the end of the night T Poosh came up to me and told me, "You are my queen my beautiful queen, please go on a date with me!" Although it was probably one of the cheesier lines I've heard, I thought he was very sweet. I have not been able to go on a date with him due to extenuating circumstances in the house but that didn't stop the offer from being flattering. In all I would have to say this was probably one of the best birthdays of all time! What a great night!

Forget Batman and Superman

The next few days we spent learning how to take blood pressure and assisting with minor procedures. We also learned how to distribute the medicine efficiently and I learned how to speak in Kreyol to ask things like how old are you? Take these pills twice a day every day for seven days, etc. On a daily basis we see a lot of patients with parasites, Scavies, Malaria (very common), Anemia, AIDS, etc. One of the days we helped treat over 100 patients!!! On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays we travel with the doctors and other medical staff to clinics in the most impoverished areas of Port Au Prince such as Cite Soleil (pronounced "city solay"). In this area, the people most often do not have clothes, shoes, or access to clean water or food. They live in makeshift tents, condemned shacks that are about as tall as me and smaller than the smallest room in many American houses but have 10 people living in them, or on the street with not even a blanket sometimes. Dr. Joey and the team bring these people free medical care and when they are not able to perform a procedure that is necessary, the team transports the patients to either a hospital or the main clinic to perform the surgeory or other procedure that is needed. He does this all out of his own pocket and donations he's received but it has become difficult for him to do since he lost both of his houses in the earthquake and supplies has greatly depleted after being used to help victims after the quake. In addition, the clinic at Delmas 33 which is the main clinic, was condemned after the earthquake so the group that I'm here working with has another division that helped to rebuild it and fix it up so that it could be used again! Although this has helped him out greatly, Dr. Joey wants to work on proposing project to Oprah and seeing if she will help with funding for supplies, and staff support since I told him that if he provides training he will be able to also provide jobs for Haitians who are not able to get jobs and are suffering (like the woman and her children I mentioned in the previous blog entry)! Dr. Joey told me he already runs free seminars to help people learn about providing medical care (and he has been great about training Doucette and I) so he agreed that would be a great idea. In the meantime I also wrote to the woman in charge of the shipment from the Haitian Congress to Fortify Haiti that I was working with at home before coming here and I asked her if we could please allocate a decent amount of medical materials to his clinic so that he can continue to help bring free medical care to those in need. The woman I talked to, Aline, is here in Haiti not far from me and she and I are going to meet up to diit further but it's a great start and I'm very proud to be a part of this project! If anyone reading this has, or knows someone who has any connections to help put Dr. Joey in contact with the people he needs to in order to make his dream possible I would really appreciate any help we could get!

There is a little boy we work with at the clinic who Dr. Joey is helping to treat, his name is Owis. Owis was orphaned by the earthquake and was found with a shattered leg and amnesia. He has nerve and muscle damage to his left side which looks like he has had a stroke, but Dr. Gina and Dr. Joey have told me that it is from getting hit in the head by something during the earthquake. Thankfully, he doesn't remember the quake and the doctors think he could have some of his nerve and muscle damaged fixed with surgery but it is something he needs to go to the states to have done. Dr. Joey was able to get Owis to the states and the team at the clinic was able to get a hold of Owis's sister who can't take care of him anymore to get papers so that he can hopefully get adopted once he gets to the state. He's really a smart kid and very sweet so I hope it works out for him. Owis stays at the clinic where Dr. Joey takes care of him and the staff feed him and keep an eye on the pins and such that are sticking out of Owis's leg to try to help keep the bone in place (but we have been told they are not working and he requires major re-constructive surgery on that too once he reaches the states). It is a miracle that Owis is able to be alive and seeing him everyday is a great way to keep me going. He is a very inspiring little boy.

However, I won't be able to see Owis or the team for the next few days or weeks because I'm going to be taking a break from Dr. Joey's services and going with my three best friends here to Miami Hospital (NOT IN FLORIDA, but funded by one of the Florida universities and located inside the airport of Port-Au-Prince, 5 minutes aways from the logistic base of the UN). I will still be helping Dr. Joey via phone with plans for his project and we will be going with him to Jacmel to help teach a sex ed class and promote safe sex to help prevent the spread of disease we see day in and day out. However, I share in my friends' enthusiasm for going to the UN base because not only do we get to assist in surgical procedures by sterilizing equiptment, but we also get to learn more from the doctors and do more hands on medical care. In addition, the view of the soldiers all over the base from all over the world, won't be so bad either. Hey, we are volunteering but we still have a pulse ;) The three of them are amazing, Doucette who you have heard about, and Marie are my roommates in the house. Marie is a froggie (French Canadian) from Montreal who is probably one of the funniest people on earth. She speaks both French and English and has been here for 2 and a half monthes. Oxanna is the other part of our group and she speaks French, Kreyol, Spanish, and a little bit of English (I mostly communicate with her in Spanish). She is Haitian and lives with her mom instead of at the house but we have made her an honorary roommate, she is also a doctor!

All of us are the medical group and the rebels of the house! We like to dance and have fun when we can. There is a song here called Sak Santi Konsa Piti. It's a bit innappropriate but makes everyone laugh. The direct translation is "What's that smell" and there is a dance that goes with it. However it's referring to a specific body part on a female and the male is asking "What's that smell girl? What's that smell?" In any event, whenever we go through an area that smells terrible (there are many here due to poor plumbing and a lack of a reliable and cohesive waste management system) so sometimes we look at eachother and start laughing because all of us think of that song but none of us want to say it out loud because we want to avoid offending anyone in that area. Dr. Jackie was asking me about what Kreyol I have learned and I sang that song to him he started laughing hysterically he loves that song and now has decided that in addition to medical tutoring he is going to teach me Kreyol. In turn I will be teaching you via my blog a new word with every entry so that you can learn along with me!

As I mentioned before, We will be living on the base in a tent together so I'm not sure how much internet we will have at the base but I'll see what I can do. We will be leaving the house and taking all of our stuff out of the house with us. Although we enjoy the house, all of us are very optamistic about the change of scenery (take that however you want haha) Let's just say "Happy Birthday

The Prescription I wish I could write

After the first day of being able to offer people a sense of control and relief (in addition to medical care of course), I couldn't wait for the second day. We got there and helped sit in on a few of Dr. Gina's patients before she got a family that she felt would benefit from talking to me for some time. I agreed to talk to them and we went upstairs to speak privately. It was a mom and her two daughters. I went through a similar routine that I had the day before with patients and the mom told me that she was worried about her oldest daughter being traumatized after the earthquake and the actions of the youngest one even before the earthquake had her worried. I started with the oldest daughter who told me that she was scared ever since the earthquaked I asked her if she would feel comfortable talking about what happened. She told me that she wanted to talk about it and began telling me about her experience. When the earthquake hit she was in school and as soon as the ground began to shake she heard loud noises and ran toward a door where she got trampled in a stampede and someone sat down on her chest. She pushed them off of her and heard a classmate tell her to jump out the window that he would catch her. She did and he stayed true to his word catching her as she fell. After she fell, the building collapsed killing her twin sister who was still inside. I told her that was a terrible experience but she was so lucky to be alive. She told me she has God to thank for her living but sometimes she feels guilty about being the one that lived and she misses her sister. I talked to her about some things before moving on to her sister who wouldn't talk and the mother had to talk for her. The mother told me that even before the earthquake the little sister was hearing voices and disappearing from school. She was worried because the daughter was so sad and would try to throw herself in front of traffic to commit suicide so the mom started keeping her home from school to keep a closer eye on her. I reassured the. mom that was a good choice and tried to tell the daughter how lucky she was to have people in her life who cared for her that way. She just kept spitting into a bag (Dr. Gina examined her and said that was more of a nervous tick rather than anything else). The mom than told me how the kids' father left her and doesn't pay her any money and she has no job and n't always know how to feed her kids. I asked her if there was any job she thought she might be able to get or any friends or support group who could help her and she said no that she would sweep the streets if she could. That was when Doucette, who was translating turned to me and said, "Do you know what you're doing here? Do you understand this is a class thing and you need to watch what you say? While your at it, you need to watch your facial expression, it will make things worse if you show emotion." I told her that I understood and I asked her what do I say? "I honestly don't know what to say but I know that I need to say something I'm just drowning here I don't know what to say." Doucette just said to me, I don't know this is your show figure something out quick. I asked her if there was anything else she wanted to talk about and I reassured her that I was here to listen, that's when she asked me for help to feed her and her kids and help her find a betterso they weren't living in a condemned house anymore. I wanted to say yes so badly. I wanted to give her a hug and tell her it would be ok but I couldn't help her. I didn't have the money to do that and if I helped her I would have to feed everyone and I don't know how to do that. I also knew what Doucette was saying, that in order to find a job she had to know people and I had to know people to help her because that's how things work around here. All I could say was that I couldn't but I hoped that things worked out well for her and I was here to listen if she wanted to talk more in the weeks to come. It was a horrible way to end things, I knew it, Doucette knew it, and the family knew it. I kept a blank face when we went downstairs but then I told Doucette and Dr. Gina that I left something upstairs and I would be right back. I went upstairs, found a corner, and just lost it. I couldn't keep a straight face anymore I just started crying once I knew no one could see me. Third day there and I broke, I felt like such a failure. I couldn't believe that this family had it so bad and there was nothing I could do. I just wanted so much to wave a magic wand and make things right for them but unofrtunately it doesn't work that way.

I recomposed myself enough to go downstairs and put my sunglases on. The red face would be masked by the heat and the sunglasses to hide my eyes so that no one would know that I had been crying. I didn't want to talk about it and I didn't want to see anyone else I just felt like I probably made things worse and that was exactly what I didn't do. When Doucette got me alone she was just like you can't do that you can't just say good luck and she started yelling at me how she never wanted to have to translate that again. I told her I know I just didn't know what to say, what do you say to that? She had no answer to that questiy she on but told me that better not happen again. I could tell she felt bad hearing the story too and that's probably why she was upset with me. I told her how I felt useless and I honestly wanted to just talk about it later because I didn't want to lose it again. I pulled up my sunglasses and she backed off. We didn't talk about it I just had to keep on working so that's what we did and in all honesty that is probably what made the day easier. When I threw myself into work I didn't have time to sit and think about the look on the mother's face or the daughters' faces. We went to another clinic that Dr. Joey runs (he runs a lot of clinics in some of the poorest areas around Port Au Prince). When we got there everything was medically oriented and that was more than ok with me. Doucette translated while I took inventory of the makeshift pharmacy and interacted with kids while running prescriptions back and forth. I told myself the day was salvaged because we were able to bring free medical care to many people in need who would otherwise have no access to a doctor or medicine but that only worked until I slowed down. I didn't sleep much that night because when I closed my eyes I saw their faces when I told them I couldn't help them and I started crying again. I was able to talk to my Mom who told me she understood it was sad but it was a lesson I had to learn that I couldn't fix everything and she was sorry that I had to learn it earlier than a lot of people but that it was important to learn. Somehow that didn't help. I still wanted to fix it and I was frustrated. I knew that I had to push that out of my mind to get through the next days but that was so much easier said than done. I am able to think about them now and not burst into tears but re-typing the story still makes me tear up. What has gotten me through it most is talking a bit with Dr. Gina who said to me I know I felt the same way when I sent them to you and knowing that we couldn't fix her world instantly. I asked Dr. Gina if it would be ok if from now on I counseled with her in the room because having an extra team member would help and we could tag team to help better control our own emotions. I liked this idea and two heads are better than one. She told me that she knew enough to ask certain questions but it would make her feel more comfortable to have me there because sometimes I covered things she didn't think to ask. Ever since that realization we have been a great team and I haven't had another day like that but there have been plenty of times where we have said out loud to one another, I wish we could just write a prescription for a job, clean water, food, and shelter but we can't. Often that's what these people need and telling me their problems doesn't fix their empty bellies or lack of a steady income to get things they need and want. So sometimes I feel completely useless but it helps that we are also doing medical work because sometimes we are able to give them water or food with medications so that we can at least provide temporary relief but I still wish we had a more permanent solution.

My saving grace was that the next day went so unbelievably well that I was able to use that to keep me going.

A lesson a day helps the fear slip away...

So you're probably wondering what kind of volunteer work I'm doing while I'm here. The answer is that it varies from day to day but in general, both Doucette and I tend to work in a medical setting and also plan to eventually do some work distributing goods and working in an orphanage in addition to our clinical work. We have been working with a man named Dr. Joey and two other doctors on the team, Dr. Gina and Dr. Jackie. (All of the doctors down here go by their first name it seems). Dr. Joey is the one who runs the clinic and Dr. Gina is visiting from the states so most of the time Doucette translates for Dr. Gina when she sees patients. On the other hand, I get to switch between all three helping with small procedures or just being there to learn how to diagnose. My main job however, has been offering counseling. While we are with these patients, often they will describe their symptoms and we will get to "When did you first start having these symptoms?" and find "The headaches and not eating started after the earthquake" or "I haven't been able to sleep since the earthquake" "I'm scared to be in my house since the earthquake" etc. That's where I come in. Dr. Gina has me in the room and once we hear that I let Dr. Gina probe a little further before turning to me to have me say something for Doucette to translate.

The first day we were doing this, I was not with Dr. Gina, it was only Doucette and I and Dr. Jackie was sending his patients to see me because he said almost everyone is traumatized and whateverd do to help would be great. Although I was a little nervouse, because I wanted to make sure not to cause any further harm, I was also excited to try to help make the patients feel more at ease in any way that I could. It started pretty basic, asking them if they wanted to talk to me, what they wanted to talk to me about, what was bothering them, anything they were scared of etc. I reassured them that I was there to listen and offer support. Although each patient had slightly different fears, all seemed to share fear of having another earthquake (a completely reasoe fear). One woman told me that she was scared if there was an earthquake that she would die and leave her kids all alone. I told her that while I couldn't guarentee there wouldn't be another earthquake, I could help her feel a little more secure and in control of her own fate (which seemed to be what everyone wanted, a sense of control because all of them seemed to feel powerless and vulnerable and that's what was fueling their fear so I thought if I could just offer them some piece of mind it might help). I first started by asking her and other patients first, what sort of things in the environment around them would trigger fear. The most common ones were loud noises, trucks passing by and shaking the ground, enclosed spaces, etc. After that we would talk about what things around them would help them relax, were there any things they saw or did on a daily basis that made them feel a sense of relief and most of the time they would answer yes and then tell me about those things and I would ask them to try and focus on those things when things got tough. Then I would ask about a support system they had, who were they living with, could they talk to the people around them? Did they have a church group they belonged to where they could go when they felt alone? etc. One we got through that and other case specific details, I would ask them if they knew what to do to try to keep themselves safe if another earthquake hit. I was shocked to hear each and every single one of them say no! That's where I attempted to help give them a sense of control over their fate. I would tell them that if another earthquake hits they could try to keep themselves and their loved ones safe by running outside and getting from buildings and other structures that could fall. If at all possible bring something or use something nearby to cover their head to help add protection. If they couldn't make it outside, I told them to try to go under a bed where the mattress would help provide some kind of protection.

While I couldn't erase fears completely in one sitting (obviously) I was happy to see a sense of calm and relief come over their face and hear them tell me that made them feel better. The woman with children who was worried told me she would very much like to talk to me more and even asked for my number so that she can call me when she feels scared. It was an awesome feeling and such a powerful tool, education, to help bring about a sense of relief! I think that it was helpful just to have someone to talk to so I told everyone who I talked to whereto find me if they felt the need to talk again. I reassured them that they were not alone and that this was something many people are struggling with. It was a very powerful experience that first day of work but there was no telling what the days to come would bring.

Entering the Twilight Zone

After 4 monthes of trying to find a way to get to Haiti and a 3 hour delay in Miami (after a 7 hour overnight layover), we finally touched down in Port Au Prince! Doucette and I were so happy to get off the plane and onto Haitian soil that we didn't even care about the pushing and shoving through the terminal which had no air circulation whatsoever. Once we got out of there, we were greated with a warm welcome of Haitian music played by a live band who greated us before we boarded a bus to get to immigration. Immigration had it's glitches, people were tired, etc. Even if I had not been so exhausted (Doucette and I were running on close to 26 hours of no sleep by the time we got to immigration) I don't think I could have predicted the shitstorm we were blindly running toward. We got through immigration after a few mishaps and made our way over to get our bags. Doucette turned to me just before we reached the checked baggage and said, whatever you do, DO NOT LET ANYONE HELP YOU! That seemed pretty basic in theory until we tried to make our way toward the door which was located on the other side of the somewhat small, but very overly crowded, airport. Even with one of Doucette's friends, who worked at the airport, helping us; we were under attack. Multiple people coming up to me grabbing me, grabbing my bags, grabbing my cart, all screaming at me in a language that I didn't understand and shoving one another and me to try to get me to let them help me take my bags. When I said "No thank you!" very loudly they continued, and when I screamed "NO!" at the top of my lungs they ignored me. Between trying to literally use physical force to shove people off of me, my luggage, and the cart all the while trying to make it out the doors I was frantic. I thought the madness would stop once we got outside but it only worsened where non-airport workers joined in the frendzy and all I could do was pray to God that we reach the big yellow van that was picking us up at the airport before one of my bags went missing, or something worse, happened. To pour gasoline on the fire, the people who were supposed to be picking us up from the airport basically decided to leave and let us "find our own way" even though they had notice of the three hour delay. Luckily, Doucette had asked her brother that lives in Haiti to meet us at the airport to give her some stuff so he rescued us. Getting into his car the people outside were hitting the windows screaming for money and aggressively trying to get our attention. Honestly, I was terrified.

But that came to a halt once we got in the car and Dwight, Doucette's brother, gave me a big hug and said, "Welcome to Haiti my other sister! As long as you are in Haiti and you are a friend of Doucette's you are family and I am your brother, I'm here for you no matter what!" Then he handed me a phone he got for me and said, "Why don't we show you around!" Thus began my intro to Haitian driving. If you have ever been to Mexico, especially in the non-tourist parts , chances are you know that driving is sort of a free-for all. Haitian driving, is like Mexican driving on Steroids!!! I don't think I will ever get used to it. There was a large truck that was trying to turn and failed so its driver just decided that was as good a place as any to stop and just stay there for the next half hour. I thought this was a rare occurance but Doucette and her brother both assured me this was completely standard and I watched as all of the drivers around us decided that medians and one way traffic were overrated and they drove over the median to the other side and made it a two way whether drivers on that side wanted them to or not! Since I have been here I can't tell you how often that happens, I can just say that I haven't had a single day go by where I haven't seen that happen!

As we continued to drive we came up to our first "tent city" or refugee camp. The sign outside read, "PLEASE HELP! WE NEED DOCTORS, FOOD, WATER, AND MONEY, PLEASE HELP US!" It wasn't long before I discovered that all of the refugee camps have similar signs to this. They also have make-shift tents with people inside living in what can only be described as squaler. Although I couldn't see inside the tents completely, what I could see indicated that there was a status hierarchy even within the tent system itself. Tents like the ones in the U.S. seemed to be the gold standard and Dwight explained that those go for more than 100 dollars US (even for a little one)! Tied or maybe just a bit below due to the heat would be the tents with scrap metal or tin on the sides and top for a roof and walls. The bottom of the totem pole were those who were not able to be a part of a tent and were sleeping in the mood or on the street with nothing. This was the first sight that really got me. I just couldn't believe that these people have been living like this for monthes. And it's not like camping, each tent is on top of the other one, most cases overlappying and no room to move between tents because they spring up wherever they can.

I only had moments to start processing what I saw when we came upon our first pile of rubble. The sheer image of seeing a building that had people in it brought to the ground instantaneously brings a sick feeling in your stomach like none I can describe. There were tons of sights like this and there have been in recent days as well. Even Doucette who spent a great deal of her childhood in Haiti expressed shock once she saw the piles of crumbled buildings and sprawled clothing and other personal items all over. One of Doucette's favorite cake bakeries growing up, the most popular in town, was packed when the earthquake hit and the building instantly floored leaving few if any survivors. Dwight added that in a lot of these piles of rubble, there are still people burried underneath. The thought of being trapped like that for days or dying that way was enough to make me speechless. Toward the end of the drive I was just staring straight ahead unable to say a word, which for anyone who knows me, means something. Everytime I pass a pile of rubble I still can't get over the shock and I probably never will. I can ony imagine what it was like for people who survived the quake to see it afterwards, or worse during. This is not even the epicenter! The epicenter of the quake, a town that's about 10 miles southwest of Port Au Prince, is said to have been 90-95% destroyed. While Port Au Prince is in better shape (hard to believe at times), the people here say that the earth literally moved in waves and buildings came down instantaneously.

Seeing the looks on both Doucette's and my face, Dwight decided it was time to start pointing out the good aspects of Haiti. He made a point of stopping to show me the rich areas of Haiti with huge mansions and beautiful lawns and he said "This is the Haiti that the media won't show you. This is what I want you to post Lee, I want the people in the United States to see that not all of Haiti is impoverished and devastated, some of it is doing just fine." On that note he took us to pick up his wife for an ultra sound (she is pregnant with their first child) who we were able to find out that day is going to be a boy! I was so happy for my Haitian brother and his wife and Doucette and for a moment I was able to push the racing thoughts of people trapped under piles of rubble out of my mind. But then we got to the car. While we were waiting for Dwight's wife to finishtalking to the doctor, a woman walked past the car. She was hobbling a little bit so I looked down to see her leg only to discover she was wearing no pants or underwear. She was just walking the street that way. I gasped and yelled to Doucette, "OMG SHE'S NAKED?!" Doucette just shrugged and said some people just don't want to wear pants. With the heat I could understand not wanting to wear them but this was a city street. I could never imagine walking through downtown Chicago with no

pants or underwear on! I thought "Maybe she can't afford to get new ones or mental illness", but Doucette said it was not totally uncommon to see and that sometimes people just didn't want to wear pants. This was the point in the car ride where I thought to myself, "What the hell am I doing here?"

You can read every article ever written about Hait, you can look at all the pictures you want, but seeing it in person is still going to be more devastating than you can ever imagine. The upside to seeing the destruction was knowing that I could do something to help. I knew at the time and I still know that I can not fix the problem on my own, but I still think I can be part of the solution so that's why I'm here. I know that sounds cheesey but on days like the first day, it's what gets me through.

Some things to know before you read...

For those of you who don't already know, I'M IN HAITI! My friend Doucette and I will be here doing volunteer work for at least the next three months if not longer. Before you begin reading my blog I feel there are a few things that you need to know. I am writing this blog in the hopes of sharing my experiences, my thoughts and my observations with those who care to read them. I will say that again because it's very important, THESE ARE MY WORDS AND MY THOUGHTS, I am in no way attempting to speak for a group of people or claim to understand everything, this is a learning experience and if you read this blog you will be learning with me. That being said, I hope that this can also serve as a first hand experience to add meaning to, dispute, or clarify anything people feel they are not quite getting from the media. I also hope that this can increase awareness and encourage others to aid in Haiti relief in any way they can. Feel free to take away from this blog whatever you will.

Some other housekeeping to go over before I continue, I promise to try to do my best with spelling and grammar, and keep the rambling to a minimum. However, due to the limited internet availability, the unreliable connection, and other factors, I have to move quickly and cannot take the time I normally would to double check entries before I post them. I also have to write these blogs late at night or very early in the morning before or after working a full day. These reasons are also affecting how often I post and sometimes how long my posts are. Already while I was writing this I finished this entry only to have it wiped clean when our generator (we don't have electricity ean failed and wiped my entry clean :( Thus, I have been here already for six days but I will post multiple days at a time.

My decision to come to Haiti was not made lightly. However it is one I have had to justify to others (and myself in recent days). Whenever I have a moment where I have to ask myself, "Why did I ever do this?" I remind myself of the feeling I had when I first saw the images from the reports of the quake coming in. I knew in my heart that I wanted to help and with the support of family and friends, I was able to make it happen. Although Haiti was in poor shape before the earth quake, it is safe to say that even without seeing how it was before it is far worse now. My hope is that if one good thing can come out of the horrible quake that hit Haiti in January, 2010 it will be that it receives aid and can rebuild even better than it was before. I also hope to take away a valuable life experience from this trip and apply what I learn to my future endeavors. I know that the things I have seen are not easy, I didn't come here for easy. I came here because I don't want to deprive myself of any part of life and sometimes that means experiencing things that are not always pleasant, but life isn't always pleasant and if I don't see the "unpleasant" (gross understatement but it's 1 A.M. and I'm exhausted) then I will never be able to grasp the full picture. Already in my 6 days here I have learned to take things one day at a time and to separate the events from day to day so that I won't go crazy. You will see that reflected in my blogging, one day I'm down the next day I'm happy or just fine and that's how it is here, I'm still learning to adjust. It has been a huge culture shock for me on top of everything else.

Speaking of culture shock, please don't judge the people based on what I say. I know it's hard, but what is "normal" in one culture is "not normal" in another so please remember that when you read my blog and trust me with some of the stuff I see it isn't always easy. Also, I will be writing about topics that can be disturbing, if you don't want to read them then please feel free not to.

Adding to my culture shock, I am staying in a house that could serve as a mini UN. As of today, there are 56 people in the house (and 3 bathrooms....)! To add to the chaos and confusion, not everyone speaks the same language. The most prevalent areas represented in the house (but by no means the only ones) are Russia (and most of the Russians don't speak English), Ukraine, America, Australia, Canada, Haiti, Hungary, Portugal, Mexico, and France. as In addition to learning Kreyol and French as quickly I can (I hate being in another country and not speaking their language) I have also learned a bit of Russian and used my Spanish more than I have in years. Luckily, many Haitians also speak Spanish due to their geographic relativity to the Dominican Republic. With so many people in the house, we manage to get by rather well as long as a few people who are bilingual in the house are able to help! I have also found that hand gestures get you very far and drawings can be useful. Universal in the house is the willingness to work and be a part of the relief effort so that helps keep us all going and the people in the house are easy to get along with once you understand what they are saying haha. I hope that you will enjoy reading my blog and feel free to share your comments (please be respectful) your thoughts are important to me!