My Night as Haitian Pop Artist Arm Candy

Although the plan for my birthday was to go to Miami hospital, that ended up not working out due to transportation complications so instead we got the day to sleep which turned out fine by me because I needed the sleep! At our nightly meeting, one of the guys in the house announced to the entire group that it was my birthday and everyone sang to me. It was so sweet!

The next day we didn't go to Miami Hospital either. Instead the whole house was called to help unload a ship full of supplies that we got in. We were there for the entire day until we were finally able to take a Tap Tap (Haitian cab/bus) home. I was so exhausted that all I wanted to do was shower and sleep but my roommates had other plans.

They convinced me to go out and we got ready in a hurry. Yes, that's right, I GOT READY IN A HURRY AND DIDN'T MAKE PEOPLE WAIT (to my Mom, Nana, and anyone else who knows me well, I have been the cleanest roommate and I have always been on time which Doucette, Marie, and Oksana will all back me up in saying!) We were going to see a Haitian concert which is actually called a "ball". It's a little more fancy than a concert and slightly smaller, but not by much. This was a black and white party which meant everyone needed to be dressed in black and white, and it was the first ball or decent sized gathering of any kind since the earthquake hit so it was a very big deal. The main artist was a guy named Shabba who is very famous here in Haiti and, as it turns out, internationally. As it also turns out, Shabba is a good friend of Oksana's! Shabba showed up to the house and picked us up in his very nice car to drive us to his own concert...AWESOME!!!

Oksana insisted that I sit in the front so that I could talk to Shabba more and enjoy the air conditioning (also amazing)! As we neared the area where the concert was being held, there was a police check point. Shabba didn't want to be late so he used a Haitian driving solution to solve the problem, made his own lane and bipassed traffic. As we were about to get stopped by the checkpoint, Shabba turned on his light and the officer looked inside to see who it was..."SHABBA!!!" Thus began the mad frenzy and amateur paparazzi. People all around flocking to look inside the car, trying to run up and shake his hand through the driver's side window etc. Another girl came up to the window and was talking to him (he seemed to know her) and as she talked to Shabba, she inspected the four of us up and down and glared at each of us as if we were taking her man away from her haha.

We finally parked the car and made our way to the door with Shabba grabbing my hand and ushering me into the VIP area backstage. He had the four of us sit backstage where we could enjoy the show and beverage services (though to be honest, all of us were too tired to drink alcohol so we just ordered water to try to stay hydrated). In spite of the extreme heat and massive amounts of sweat pouring out of every pore, the concert was amazing. The music, the dancing, the vibe from all the people was just really amazing! On top of everything else, Shabba announced to the entire concert that he wanted to say "Happy Birthday Lee!" and mentioned me a few times it was incredible! I was standing right there when he said it too because the backstage area was basically listening and dancing on stage (I can't wait to upload my pictures so I can show you what I mean!)

At one point while we were taking a break and sitting under the fans to try and cool off a little bit, I heard a woman speaking English. I went over and struck up a conversation only to find out she was an American from California who is in Haiti to help work with an orphanage. I told her what we were doing here and she was very interested in connecting to try to help Dr. Joey make other connections to further promote Haitians helping other Haitians.

While she and I were having an in-depth conversation about the organization we have seen in this country, (or in many cases, the lack there of), a man came up to me to shake my hand. I shook his hand, smiled. introduced myself and asked his name. He told me his name was "T poosh" and I said "nice to meet you" in French and than turned back to continue my conversation. Everyone in the room started laughing including "T poosh". Apparently, he is a big deal and I had no idea haha! He was one of Shabba's co-artists and wrote all of the songs for the band as well...OOPS! My lack of knowledge of his identity didn't seem to phase him as he continued to talk to me. He then went up to Oksana (who he already knew) and told her, "I like your friend, she's amazing and beautiful". He told me to listen to the music that he would play something for me. The concert was amazing and the music was just what all of us needed to unwind.

As we left with Shabba at the end of the night T Poosh came up to me and told me, "You are my queen my beautiful queen, please go on a date with me!" Although it was probably one of the cheesier lines I've heard, I thought he was very sweet. I have not been able to go on a date with him due to extenuating circumstances in the house but that didn't stop the offer from being flattering. In all I would have to say this was probably one of the best birthdays of all time! What a great night!

Forget Batman and Superman

The next few days we spent learning how to take blood pressure and assisting with minor procedures. We also learned how to distribute the medicine efficiently and I learned how to speak in Kreyol to ask things like how old are you? Take these pills twice a day every day for seven days, etc. On a daily basis we see a lot of patients with parasites, Scavies, Malaria (very common), Anemia, AIDS, etc. One of the days we helped treat over 100 patients!!! On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays we travel with the doctors and other medical staff to clinics in the most impoverished areas of Port Au Prince such as Cite Soleil (pronounced "city solay"). In this area, the people most often do not have clothes, shoes, or access to clean water or food. They live in makeshift tents, condemned shacks that are about as tall as me and smaller than the smallest room in many American houses but have 10 people living in them, or on the street with not even a blanket sometimes. Dr. Joey and the team bring these people free medical care and when they are not able to perform a procedure that is necessary, the team transports the patients to either a hospital or the main clinic to perform the surgeory or other procedure that is needed. He does this all out of his own pocket and donations he's received but it has become difficult for him to do since he lost both of his houses in the earthquake and supplies has greatly depleted after being used to help victims after the quake. In addition, the clinic at Delmas 33 which is the main clinic, was condemned after the earthquake so the group that I'm here working with has another division that helped to rebuild it and fix it up so that it could be used again! Although this has helped him out greatly, Dr. Joey wants to work on proposing project to Oprah and seeing if she will help with funding for supplies, and staff support since I told him that if he provides training he will be able to also provide jobs for Haitians who are not able to get jobs and are suffering (like the woman and her children I mentioned in the previous blog entry)! Dr. Joey told me he already runs free seminars to help people learn about providing medical care (and he has been great about training Doucette and I) so he agreed that would be a great idea. In the meantime I also wrote to the woman in charge of the shipment from the Haitian Congress to Fortify Haiti that I was working with at home before coming here and I asked her if we could please allocate a decent amount of medical materials to his clinic so that he can continue to help bring free medical care to those in need. The woman I talked to, Aline, is here in Haiti not far from me and she and I are going to meet up to diit further but it's a great start and I'm very proud to be a part of this project! If anyone reading this has, or knows someone who has any connections to help put Dr. Joey in contact with the people he needs to in order to make his dream possible I would really appreciate any help we could get!

There is a little boy we work with at the clinic who Dr. Joey is helping to treat, his name is Owis. Owis was orphaned by the earthquake and was found with a shattered leg and amnesia. He has nerve and muscle damage to his left side which looks like he has had a stroke, but Dr. Gina and Dr. Joey have told me that it is from getting hit in the head by something during the earthquake. Thankfully, he doesn't remember the quake and the doctors think he could have some of his nerve and muscle damaged fixed with surgery but it is something he needs to go to the states to have done. Dr. Joey was able to get Owis to the states and the team at the clinic was able to get a hold of Owis's sister who can't take care of him anymore to get papers so that he can hopefully get adopted once he gets to the state. He's really a smart kid and very sweet so I hope it works out for him. Owis stays at the clinic where Dr. Joey takes care of him and the staff feed him and keep an eye on the pins and such that are sticking out of Owis's leg to try to help keep the bone in place (but we have been told they are not working and he requires major re-constructive surgery on that too once he reaches the states). It is a miracle that Owis is able to be alive and seeing him everyday is a great way to keep me going. He is a very inspiring little boy.

However, I won't be able to see Owis or the team for the next few days or weeks because I'm going to be taking a break from Dr. Joey's services and going with my three best friends here to Miami Hospital (NOT IN FLORIDA, but funded by one of the Florida universities and located inside the airport of Port-Au-Prince, 5 minutes aways from the logistic base of the UN). I will still be helping Dr. Joey via phone with plans for his project and we will be going with him to Jacmel to help teach a sex ed class and promote safe sex to help prevent the spread of disease we see day in and day out. However, I share in my friends' enthusiasm for going to the UN base because not only do we get to assist in surgical procedures by sterilizing equiptment, but we also get to learn more from the doctors and do more hands on medical care. In addition, the view of the soldiers all over the base from all over the world, won't be so bad either. Hey, we are volunteering but we still have a pulse ;) The three of them are amazing, Doucette who you have heard about, and Marie are my roommates in the house. Marie is a froggie (French Canadian) from Montreal who is probably one of the funniest people on earth. She speaks both French and English and has been here for 2 and a half monthes. Oxanna is the other part of our group and she speaks French, Kreyol, Spanish, and a little bit of English (I mostly communicate with her in Spanish). She is Haitian and lives with her mom instead of at the house but we have made her an honorary roommate, she is also a doctor!

All of us are the medical group and the rebels of the house! We like to dance and have fun when we can. There is a song here called Sak Santi Konsa Piti. It's a bit innappropriate but makes everyone laugh. The direct translation is "What's that smell" and there is a dance that goes with it. However it's referring to a specific body part on a female and the male is asking "What's that smell girl? What's that smell?" In any event, whenever we go through an area that smells terrible (there are many here due to poor plumbing and a lack of a reliable and cohesive waste management system) so sometimes we look at eachother and start laughing because all of us think of that song but none of us want to say it out loud because we want to avoid offending anyone in that area. Dr. Jackie was asking me about what Kreyol I have learned and I sang that song to him he started laughing hysterically he loves that song and now has decided that in addition to medical tutoring he is going to teach me Kreyol. In turn I will be teaching you via my blog a new word with every entry so that you can learn along with me!

As I mentioned before, We will be living on the base in a tent together so I'm not sure how much internet we will have at the base but I'll see what I can do. We will be leaving the house and taking all of our stuff out of the house with us. Although we enjoy the house, all of us are very optamistic about the change of scenery (take that however you want haha) Let's just say "Happy Birthday

The Prescription I wish I could write

After the first day of being able to offer people a sense of control and relief (in addition to medical care of course), I couldn't wait for the second day. We got there and helped sit in on a few of Dr. Gina's patients before she got a family that she felt would benefit from talking to me for some time. I agreed to talk to them and we went upstairs to speak privately. It was a mom and her two daughters. I went through a similar routine that I had the day before with patients and the mom told me that she was worried about her oldest daughter being traumatized after the earthquake and the actions of the youngest one even before the earthquake had her worried. I started with the oldest daughter who told me that she was scared ever since the earthquaked I asked her if she would feel comfortable talking about what happened. She told me that she wanted to talk about it and began telling me about her experience. When the earthquake hit she was in school and as soon as the ground began to shake she heard loud noises and ran toward a door where she got trampled in a stampede and someone sat down on her chest. She pushed them off of her and heard a classmate tell her to jump out the window that he would catch her. She did and he stayed true to his word catching her as she fell. After she fell, the building collapsed killing her twin sister who was still inside. I told her that was a terrible experience but she was so lucky to be alive. She told me she has God to thank for her living but sometimes she feels guilty about being the one that lived and she misses her sister. I talked to her about some things before moving on to her sister who wouldn't talk and the mother had to talk for her. The mother told me that even before the earthquake the little sister was hearing voices and disappearing from school. She was worried because the daughter was so sad and would try to throw herself in front of traffic to commit suicide so the mom started keeping her home from school to keep a closer eye on her. I reassured the. mom that was a good choice and tried to tell the daughter how lucky she was to have people in her life who cared for her that way. She just kept spitting into a bag (Dr. Gina examined her and said that was more of a nervous tick rather than anything else). The mom than told me how the kids' father left her and doesn't pay her any money and she has no job and n't always know how to feed her kids. I asked her if there was any job she thought she might be able to get or any friends or support group who could help her and she said no that she would sweep the streets if she could. That was when Doucette, who was translating turned to me and said, "Do you know what you're doing here? Do you understand this is a class thing and you need to watch what you say? While your at it, you need to watch your facial expression, it will make things worse if you show emotion." I told her that I understood and I asked her what do I say? "I honestly don't know what to say but I know that I need to say something I'm just drowning here I don't know what to say." Doucette just said to me, I don't know this is your show figure something out quick. I asked her if there was anything else she wanted to talk about and I reassured her that I was here to listen, that's when she asked me for help to feed her and her kids and help her find a betterso they weren't living in a condemned house anymore. I wanted to say yes so badly. I wanted to give her a hug and tell her it would be ok but I couldn't help her. I didn't have the money to do that and if I helped her I would have to feed everyone and I don't know how to do that. I also knew what Doucette was saying, that in order to find a job she had to know people and I had to know people to help her because that's how things work around here. All I could say was that I couldn't but I hoped that things worked out well for her and I was here to listen if she wanted to talk more in the weeks to come. It was a horrible way to end things, I knew it, Doucette knew it, and the family knew it. I kept a blank face when we went downstairs but then I told Doucette and Dr. Gina that I left something upstairs and I would be right back. I went upstairs, found a corner, and just lost it. I couldn't keep a straight face anymore I just started crying once I knew no one could see me. Third day there and I broke, I felt like such a failure. I couldn't believe that this family had it so bad and there was nothing I could do. I just wanted so much to wave a magic wand and make things right for them but unofrtunately it doesn't work that way.

I recomposed myself enough to go downstairs and put my sunglases on. The red face would be masked by the heat and the sunglasses to hide my eyes so that no one would know that I had been crying. I didn't want to talk about it and I didn't want to see anyone else I just felt like I probably made things worse and that was exactly what I didn't do. When Doucette got me alone she was just like you can't do that you can't just say good luck and she started yelling at me how she never wanted to have to translate that again. I told her I know I just didn't know what to say, what do you say to that? She had no answer to that questiy she on but told me that better not happen again. I could tell she felt bad hearing the story too and that's probably why she was upset with me. I told her how I felt useless and I honestly wanted to just talk about it later because I didn't want to lose it again. I pulled up my sunglasses and she backed off. We didn't talk about it I just had to keep on working so that's what we did and in all honesty that is probably what made the day easier. When I threw myself into work I didn't have time to sit and think about the look on the mother's face or the daughters' faces. We went to another clinic that Dr. Joey runs (he runs a lot of clinics in some of the poorest areas around Port Au Prince). When we got there everything was medically oriented and that was more than ok with me. Doucette translated while I took inventory of the makeshift pharmacy and interacted with kids while running prescriptions back and forth. I told myself the day was salvaged because we were able to bring free medical care to many people in need who would otherwise have no access to a doctor or medicine but that only worked until I slowed down. I didn't sleep much that night because when I closed my eyes I saw their faces when I told them I couldn't help them and I started crying again. I was able to talk to my Mom who told me she understood it was sad but it was a lesson I had to learn that I couldn't fix everything and she was sorry that I had to learn it earlier than a lot of people but that it was important to learn. Somehow that didn't help. I still wanted to fix it and I was frustrated. I knew that I had to push that out of my mind to get through the next days but that was so much easier said than done. I am able to think about them now and not burst into tears but re-typing the story still makes me tear up. What has gotten me through it most is talking a bit with Dr. Gina who said to me I know I felt the same way when I sent them to you and knowing that we couldn't fix her world instantly. I asked Dr. Gina if it would be ok if from now on I counseled with her in the room because having an extra team member would help and we could tag team to help better control our own emotions. I liked this idea and two heads are better than one. She told me that she knew enough to ask certain questions but it would make her feel more comfortable to have me there because sometimes I covered things she didn't think to ask. Ever since that realization we have been a great team and I haven't had another day like that but there have been plenty of times where we have said out loud to one another, I wish we could just write a prescription for a job, clean water, food, and shelter but we can't. Often that's what these people need and telling me their problems doesn't fix their empty bellies or lack of a steady income to get things they need and want. So sometimes I feel completely useless but it helps that we are also doing medical work because sometimes we are able to give them water or food with medications so that we can at least provide temporary relief but I still wish we had a more permanent solution.

My saving grace was that the next day went so unbelievably well that I was able to use that to keep me going.

A lesson a day helps the fear slip away...

So you're probably wondering what kind of volunteer work I'm doing while I'm here. The answer is that it varies from day to day but in general, both Doucette and I tend to work in a medical setting and also plan to eventually do some work distributing goods and working in an orphanage in addition to our clinical work. We have been working with a man named Dr. Joey and two other doctors on the team, Dr. Gina and Dr. Jackie. (All of the doctors down here go by their first name it seems). Dr. Joey is the one who runs the clinic and Dr. Gina is visiting from the states so most of the time Doucette translates for Dr. Gina when she sees patients. On the other hand, I get to switch between all three helping with small procedures or just being there to learn how to diagnose. My main job however, has been offering counseling. While we are with these patients, often they will describe their symptoms and we will get to "When did you first start having these symptoms?" and find "The headaches and not eating started after the earthquake" or "I haven't been able to sleep since the earthquake" "I'm scared to be in my house since the earthquake" etc. That's where I come in. Dr. Gina has me in the room and once we hear that I let Dr. Gina probe a little further before turning to me to have me say something for Doucette to translate.

The first day we were doing this, I was not with Dr. Gina, it was only Doucette and I and Dr. Jackie was sending his patients to see me because he said almost everyone is traumatized and whateverd do to help would be great. Although I was a little nervouse, because I wanted to make sure not to cause any further harm, I was also excited to try to help make the patients feel more at ease in any way that I could. It started pretty basic, asking them if they wanted to talk to me, what they wanted to talk to me about, what was bothering them, anything they were scared of etc. I reassured them that I was there to listen and offer support. Although each patient had slightly different fears, all seemed to share fear of having another earthquake (a completely reasoe fear). One woman told me that she was scared if there was an earthquake that she would die and leave her kids all alone. I told her that while I couldn't guarentee there wouldn't be another earthquake, I could help her feel a little more secure and in control of her own fate (which seemed to be what everyone wanted, a sense of control because all of them seemed to feel powerless and vulnerable and that's what was fueling their fear so I thought if I could just offer them some piece of mind it might help). I first started by asking her and other patients first, what sort of things in the environment around them would trigger fear. The most common ones were loud noises, trucks passing by and shaking the ground, enclosed spaces, etc. After that we would talk about what things around them would help them relax, were there any things they saw or did on a daily basis that made them feel a sense of relief and most of the time they would answer yes and then tell me about those things and I would ask them to try and focus on those things when things got tough. Then I would ask about a support system they had, who were they living with, could they talk to the people around them? Did they have a church group they belonged to where they could go when they felt alone? etc. One we got through that and other case specific details, I would ask them if they knew what to do to try to keep themselves safe if another earthquake hit. I was shocked to hear each and every single one of them say no! That's where I attempted to help give them a sense of control over their fate. I would tell them that if another earthquake hits they could try to keep themselves and their loved ones safe by running outside and getting from buildings and other structures that could fall. If at all possible bring something or use something nearby to cover their head to help add protection. If they couldn't make it outside, I told them to try to go under a bed where the mattress would help provide some kind of protection.

While I couldn't erase fears completely in one sitting (obviously) I was happy to see a sense of calm and relief come over their face and hear them tell me that made them feel better. The woman with children who was worried told me she would very much like to talk to me more and even asked for my number so that she can call me when she feels scared. It was an awesome feeling and such a powerful tool, education, to help bring about a sense of relief! I think that it was helpful just to have someone to talk to so I told everyone who I talked to whereto find me if they felt the need to talk again. I reassured them that they were not alone and that this was something many people are struggling with. It was a very powerful experience that first day of work but there was no telling what the days to come would bring.

Entering the Twilight Zone

After 4 monthes of trying to find a way to get to Haiti and a 3 hour delay in Miami (after a 7 hour overnight layover), we finally touched down in Port Au Prince! Doucette and I were so happy to get off the plane and onto Haitian soil that we didn't even care about the pushing and shoving through the terminal which had no air circulation whatsoever. Once we got out of there, we were greated with a warm welcome of Haitian music played by a live band who greated us before we boarded a bus to get to immigration. Immigration had it's glitches, people were tired, etc. Even if I had not been so exhausted (Doucette and I were running on close to 26 hours of no sleep by the time we got to immigration) I don't think I could have predicted the shitstorm we were blindly running toward. We got through immigration after a few mishaps and made our way over to get our bags. Doucette turned to me just before we reached the checked baggage and said, whatever you do, DO NOT LET ANYONE HELP YOU! That seemed pretty basic in theory until we tried to make our way toward the door which was located on the other side of the somewhat small, but very overly crowded, airport. Even with one of Doucette's friends, who worked at the airport, helping us; we were under attack. Multiple people coming up to me grabbing me, grabbing my bags, grabbing my cart, all screaming at me in a language that I didn't understand and shoving one another and me to try to get me to let them help me take my bags. When I said "No thank you!" very loudly they continued, and when I screamed "NO!" at the top of my lungs they ignored me. Between trying to literally use physical force to shove people off of me, my luggage, and the cart all the while trying to make it out the doors I was frantic. I thought the madness would stop once we got outside but it only worsened where non-airport workers joined in the frendzy and all I could do was pray to God that we reach the big yellow van that was picking us up at the airport before one of my bags went missing, or something worse, happened. To pour gasoline on the fire, the people who were supposed to be picking us up from the airport basically decided to leave and let us "find our own way" even though they had notice of the three hour delay. Luckily, Doucette had asked her brother that lives in Haiti to meet us at the airport to give her some stuff so he rescued us. Getting into his car the people outside were hitting the windows screaming for money and aggressively trying to get our attention. Honestly, I was terrified.

But that came to a halt once we got in the car and Dwight, Doucette's brother, gave me a big hug and said, "Welcome to Haiti my other sister! As long as you are in Haiti and you are a friend of Doucette's you are family and I am your brother, I'm here for you no matter what!" Then he handed me a phone he got for me and said, "Why don't we show you around!" Thus began my intro to Haitian driving. If you have ever been to Mexico, especially in the non-tourist parts , chances are you know that driving is sort of a free-for all. Haitian driving, is like Mexican driving on Steroids!!! I don't think I will ever get used to it. There was a large truck that was trying to turn and failed so its driver just decided that was as good a place as any to stop and just stay there for the next half hour. I thought this was a rare occurance but Doucette and her brother both assured me this was completely standard and I watched as all of the drivers around us decided that medians and one way traffic were overrated and they drove over the median to the other side and made it a two way whether drivers on that side wanted them to or not! Since I have been here I can't tell you how often that happens, I can just say that I haven't had a single day go by where I haven't seen that happen!

As we continued to drive we came up to our first "tent city" or refugee camp. The sign outside read, "PLEASE HELP! WE NEED DOCTORS, FOOD, WATER, AND MONEY, PLEASE HELP US!" It wasn't long before I discovered that all of the refugee camps have similar signs to this. They also have make-shift tents with people inside living in what can only be described as squaler. Although I couldn't see inside the tents completely, what I could see indicated that there was a status hierarchy even within the tent system itself. Tents like the ones in the U.S. seemed to be the gold standard and Dwight explained that those go for more than 100 dollars US (even for a little one)! Tied or maybe just a bit below due to the heat would be the tents with scrap metal or tin on the sides and top for a roof and walls. The bottom of the totem pole were those who were not able to be a part of a tent and were sleeping in the mood or on the street with nothing. This was the first sight that really got me. I just couldn't believe that these people have been living like this for monthes. And it's not like camping, each tent is on top of the other one, most cases overlappying and no room to move between tents because they spring up wherever they can.

I only had moments to start processing what I saw when we came upon our first pile of rubble. The sheer image of seeing a building that had people in it brought to the ground instantaneously brings a sick feeling in your stomach like none I can describe. There were tons of sights like this and there have been in recent days as well. Even Doucette who spent a great deal of her childhood in Haiti expressed shock once she saw the piles of crumbled buildings and sprawled clothing and other personal items all over. One of Doucette's favorite cake bakeries growing up, the most popular in town, was packed when the earthquake hit and the building instantly floored leaving few if any survivors. Dwight added that in a lot of these piles of rubble, there are still people burried underneath. The thought of being trapped like that for days or dying that way was enough to make me speechless. Toward the end of the drive I was just staring straight ahead unable to say a word, which for anyone who knows me, means something. Everytime I pass a pile of rubble I still can't get over the shock and I probably never will. I can ony imagine what it was like for people who survived the quake to see it afterwards, or worse during. This is not even the epicenter! The epicenter of the quake, a town that's about 10 miles southwest of Port Au Prince, is said to have been 90-95% destroyed. While Port Au Prince is in better shape (hard to believe at times), the people here say that the earth literally moved in waves and buildings came down instantaneously.

Seeing the looks on both Doucette's and my face, Dwight decided it was time to start pointing out the good aspects of Haiti. He made a point of stopping to show me the rich areas of Haiti with huge mansions and beautiful lawns and he said "This is the Haiti that the media won't show you. This is what I want you to post Lee, I want the people in the United States to see that not all of Haiti is impoverished and devastated, some of it is doing just fine." On that note he took us to pick up his wife for an ultra sound (she is pregnant with their first child) who we were able to find out that day is going to be a boy! I was so happy for my Haitian brother and his wife and Doucette and for a moment I was able to push the racing thoughts of people trapped under piles of rubble out of my mind. But then we got to the car. While we were waiting for Dwight's wife to finishtalking to the doctor, a woman walked past the car. She was hobbling a little bit so I looked down to see her leg only to discover she was wearing no pants or underwear. She was just walking the street that way. I gasped and yelled to Doucette, "OMG SHE'S NAKED?!" Doucette just shrugged and said some people just don't want to wear pants. With the heat I could understand not wanting to wear them but this was a city street. I could never imagine walking through downtown Chicago with no

pants or underwear on! I thought "Maybe she can't afford to get new ones or mental illness", but Doucette said it was not totally uncommon to see and that sometimes people just didn't want to wear pants. This was the point in the car ride where I thought to myself, "What the hell am I doing here?"

You can read every article ever written about Hait, you can look at all the pictures you want, but seeing it in person is still going to be more devastating than you can ever imagine. The upside to seeing the destruction was knowing that I could do something to help. I knew at the time and I still know that I can not fix the problem on my own, but I still think I can be part of the solution so that's why I'm here. I know that sounds cheesey but on days like the first day, it's what gets me through.

Some things to know before you read...

For those of you who don't already know, I'M IN HAITI! My friend Doucette and I will be here doing volunteer work for at least the next three months if not longer. Before you begin reading my blog I feel there are a few things that you need to know. I am writing this blog in the hopes of sharing my experiences, my thoughts and my observations with those who care to read them. I will say that again because it's very important, THESE ARE MY WORDS AND MY THOUGHTS, I am in no way attempting to speak for a group of people or claim to understand everything, this is a learning experience and if you read this blog you will be learning with me. That being said, I hope that this can also serve as a first hand experience to add meaning to, dispute, or clarify anything people feel they are not quite getting from the media. I also hope that this can increase awareness and encourage others to aid in Haiti relief in any way they can. Feel free to take away from this blog whatever you will.

Some other housekeeping to go over before I continue, I promise to try to do my best with spelling and grammar, and keep the rambling to a minimum. However, due to the limited internet availability, the unreliable connection, and other factors, I have to move quickly and cannot take the time I normally would to double check entries before I post them. I also have to write these blogs late at night or very early in the morning before or after working a full day. These reasons are also affecting how often I post and sometimes how long my posts are. Already while I was writing this I finished this entry only to have it wiped clean when our generator (we don't have electricity ean failed and wiped my entry clean :( Thus, I have been here already for six days but I will post multiple days at a time.

My decision to come to Haiti was not made lightly. However it is one I have had to justify to others (and myself in recent days). Whenever I have a moment where I have to ask myself, "Why did I ever do this?" I remind myself of the feeling I had when I first saw the images from the reports of the quake coming in. I knew in my heart that I wanted to help and with the support of family and friends, I was able to make it happen. Although Haiti was in poor shape before the earth quake, it is safe to say that even without seeing how it was before it is far worse now. My hope is that if one good thing can come out of the horrible quake that hit Haiti in January, 2010 it will be that it receives aid and can rebuild even better than it was before. I also hope to take away a valuable life experience from this trip and apply what I learn to my future endeavors. I know that the things I have seen are not easy, I didn't come here for easy. I came here because I don't want to deprive myself of any part of life and sometimes that means experiencing things that are not always pleasant, but life isn't always pleasant and if I don't see the "unpleasant" (gross understatement but it's 1 A.M. and I'm exhausted) then I will never be able to grasp the full picture. Already in my 6 days here I have learned to take things one day at a time and to separate the events from day to day so that I won't go crazy. You will see that reflected in my blogging, one day I'm down the next day I'm happy or just fine and that's how it is here, I'm still learning to adjust. It has been a huge culture shock for me on top of everything else.

Speaking of culture shock, please don't judge the people based on what I say. I know it's hard, but what is "normal" in one culture is "not normal" in another so please remember that when you read my blog and trust me with some of the stuff I see it isn't always easy. Also, I will be writing about topics that can be disturbing, if you don't want to read them then please feel free not to.

Adding to my culture shock, I am staying in a house that could serve as a mini UN. As of today, there are 56 people in the house (and 3 bathrooms....)! To add to the chaos and confusion, not everyone speaks the same language. The most prevalent areas represented in the house (but by no means the only ones) are Russia (and most of the Russians don't speak English), Ukraine, America, Australia, Canada, Haiti, Hungary, Portugal, Mexico, and France. as In addition to learning Kreyol and French as quickly I can (I hate being in another country and not speaking their language) I have also learned a bit of Russian and used my Spanish more than I have in years. Luckily, many Haitians also speak Spanish due to their geographic relativity to the Dominican Republic. With so many people in the house, we manage to get by rather well as long as a few people who are bilingual in the house are able to help! I have also found that hand gestures get you very far and drawings can be useful. Universal in the house is the willingness to work and be a part of the relief effort so that helps keep us all going and the people in the house are easy to get along with once you understand what they are saying haha. I hope that you will enjoy reading my blog and feel free to share your comments (please be respectful) your thoughts are important to me!