Forget Batman and Superman

The next few days we spent learning how to take blood pressure and assisting with minor procedures. We also learned how to distribute the medicine efficiently and I learned how to speak in Kreyol to ask things like how old are you? Take these pills twice a day every day for seven days, etc. On a daily basis we see a lot of patients with parasites, Scavies, Malaria (very common), Anemia, AIDS, etc. One of the days we helped treat over 100 patients!!! On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays we travel with the doctors and other medical staff to clinics in the most impoverished areas of Port Au Prince such as Cite Soleil (pronounced "city solay"). In this area, the people most often do not have clothes, shoes, or access to clean water or food. They live in makeshift tents, condemned shacks that are about as tall as me and smaller than the smallest room in many American houses but have 10 people living in them, or on the street with not even a blanket sometimes. Dr. Joey and the team bring these people free medical care and when they are not able to perform a procedure that is necessary, the team transports the patients to either a hospital or the main clinic to perform the surgeory or other procedure that is needed. He does this all out of his own pocket and donations he's received but it has become difficult for him to do since he lost both of his houses in the earthquake and supplies has greatly depleted after being used to help victims after the quake. In addition, the clinic at Delmas 33 which is the main clinic, was condemned after the earthquake so the group that I'm here working with has another division that helped to rebuild it and fix it up so that it could be used again! Although this has helped him out greatly, Dr. Joey wants to work on proposing project to Oprah and seeing if she will help with funding for supplies, and staff support since I told him that if he provides training he will be able to also provide jobs for Haitians who are not able to get jobs and are suffering (like the woman and her children I mentioned in the previous blog entry)! Dr. Joey told me he already runs free seminars to help people learn about providing medical care (and he has been great about training Doucette and I) so he agreed that would be a great idea. In the meantime I also wrote to the woman in charge of the shipment from the Haitian Congress to Fortify Haiti that I was working with at home before coming here and I asked her if we could please allocate a decent amount of medical materials to his clinic so that he can continue to help bring free medical care to those in need. The woman I talked to, Aline, is here in Haiti not far from me and she and I are going to meet up to diit further but it's a great start and I'm very proud to be a part of this project! If anyone reading this has, or knows someone who has any connections to help put Dr. Joey in contact with the people he needs to in order to make his dream possible I would really appreciate any help we could get!

There is a little boy we work with at the clinic who Dr. Joey is helping to treat, his name is Owis. Owis was orphaned by the earthquake and was found with a shattered leg and amnesia. He has nerve and muscle damage to his left side which looks like he has had a stroke, but Dr. Gina and Dr. Joey have told me that it is from getting hit in the head by something during the earthquake. Thankfully, he doesn't remember the quake and the doctors think he could have some of his nerve and muscle damaged fixed with surgery but it is something he needs to go to the states to have done. Dr. Joey was able to get Owis to the states and the team at the clinic was able to get a hold of Owis's sister who can't take care of him anymore to get papers so that he can hopefully get adopted once he gets to the state. He's really a smart kid and very sweet so I hope it works out for him. Owis stays at the clinic where Dr. Joey takes care of him and the staff feed him and keep an eye on the pins and such that are sticking out of Owis's leg to try to help keep the bone in place (but we have been told they are not working and he requires major re-constructive surgery on that too once he reaches the states). It is a miracle that Owis is able to be alive and seeing him everyday is a great way to keep me going. He is a very inspiring little boy.

However, I won't be able to see Owis or the team for the next few days or weeks because I'm going to be taking a break from Dr. Joey's services and going with my three best friends here to Miami Hospital (NOT IN FLORIDA, but funded by one of the Florida universities and located inside the airport of Port-Au-Prince, 5 minutes aways from the logistic base of the UN). I will still be helping Dr. Joey via phone with plans for his project and we will be going with him to Jacmel to help teach a sex ed class and promote safe sex to help prevent the spread of disease we see day in and day out. However, I share in my friends' enthusiasm for going to the UN base because not only do we get to assist in surgical procedures by sterilizing equiptment, but we also get to learn more from the doctors and do more hands on medical care. In addition, the view of the soldiers all over the base from all over the world, won't be so bad either. Hey, we are volunteering but we still have a pulse ;) The three of them are amazing, Doucette who you have heard about, and Marie are my roommates in the house. Marie is a froggie (French Canadian) from Montreal who is probably one of the funniest people on earth. She speaks both French and English and has been here for 2 and a half monthes. Oxanna is the other part of our group and she speaks French, Kreyol, Spanish, and a little bit of English (I mostly communicate with her in Spanish). She is Haitian and lives with her mom instead of at the house but we have made her an honorary roommate, she is also a doctor!

All of us are the medical group and the rebels of the house! We like to dance and have fun when we can. There is a song here called Sak Santi Konsa Piti. It's a bit innappropriate but makes everyone laugh. The direct translation is "What's that smell" and there is a dance that goes with it. However it's referring to a specific body part on a female and the male is asking "What's that smell girl? What's that smell?" In any event, whenever we go through an area that smells terrible (there are many here due to poor plumbing and a lack of a reliable and cohesive waste management system) so sometimes we look at eachother and start laughing because all of us think of that song but none of us want to say it out loud because we want to avoid offending anyone in that area. Dr. Jackie was asking me about what Kreyol I have learned and I sang that song to him he started laughing hysterically he loves that song and now has decided that in addition to medical tutoring he is going to teach me Kreyol. In turn I will be teaching you via my blog a new word with every entry so that you can learn along with me!

As I mentioned before, We will be living on the base in a tent together so I'm not sure how much internet we will have at the base but I'll see what I can do. We will be leaving the house and taking all of our stuff out of the house with us. Although we enjoy the house, all of us are very optamistic about the change of scenery (take that however you want haha) Let's just say "Happy Birthday

The Prescription I wish I could write

After the first day of being able to offer people a sense of control and relief (in addition to medical care of course), I couldn't wait for the second day. We got there and helped sit in on a few of Dr. Gina's patients before she got a family that she felt would benefit from talking to me for some time. I agreed to talk to them and we went upstairs to speak privately. It was a mom and her two daughters. I went through a similar routine that I had the day before with patients and the mom told me that she was worried about her oldest daughter being traumatized after the earthquake and the actions of the youngest one even before the earthquake had her worried. I started with the oldest daughter who told me that she was scared ever since the earthquaked I asked her if she would feel comfortable talking about what happened. She told me that she wanted to talk about it and began telling me about her experience. When the earthquake hit she was in school and as soon as the ground began to shake she heard loud noises and ran toward a door where she got trampled in a stampede and someone sat down on her chest. She pushed them off of her and heard a classmate tell her to jump out the window that he would catch her. She did and he stayed true to his word catching her as she fell. After she fell, the building collapsed killing her twin sister who was still inside. I told her that was a terrible experience but she was so lucky to be alive. She told me she has God to thank for her living but sometimes she feels guilty about being the one that lived and she misses her sister. I talked to her about some things before moving on to her sister who wouldn't talk and the mother had to talk for her. The mother told me that even before the earthquake the little sister was hearing voices and disappearing from school. She was worried because the daughter was so sad and would try to throw herself in front of traffic to commit suicide so the mom started keeping her home from school to keep a closer eye on her. I reassured the. mom that was a good choice and tried to tell the daughter how lucky she was to have people in her life who cared for her that way. She just kept spitting into a bag (Dr. Gina examined her and said that was more of a nervous tick rather than anything else). The mom than told me how the kids' father left her and doesn't pay her any money and she has no job and n't always know how to feed her kids. I asked her if there was any job she thought she might be able to get or any friends or support group who could help her and she said no that she would sweep the streets if she could. That was when Doucette, who was translating turned to me and said, "Do you know what you're doing here? Do you understand this is a class thing and you need to watch what you say? While your at it, you need to watch your facial expression, it will make things worse if you show emotion." I told her that I understood and I asked her what do I say? "I honestly don't know what to say but I know that I need to say something I'm just drowning here I don't know what to say." Doucette just said to me, I don't know this is your show figure something out quick. I asked her if there was anything else she wanted to talk about and I reassured her that I was here to listen, that's when she asked me for help to feed her and her kids and help her find a betterso they weren't living in a condemned house anymore. I wanted to say yes so badly. I wanted to give her a hug and tell her it would be ok but I couldn't help her. I didn't have the money to do that and if I helped her I would have to feed everyone and I don't know how to do that. I also knew what Doucette was saying, that in order to find a job she had to know people and I had to know people to help her because that's how things work around here. All I could say was that I couldn't but I hoped that things worked out well for her and I was here to listen if she wanted to talk more in the weeks to come. It was a horrible way to end things, I knew it, Doucette knew it, and the family knew it. I kept a blank face when we went downstairs but then I told Doucette and Dr. Gina that I left something upstairs and I would be right back. I went upstairs, found a corner, and just lost it. I couldn't keep a straight face anymore I just started crying once I knew no one could see me. Third day there and I broke, I felt like such a failure. I couldn't believe that this family had it so bad and there was nothing I could do. I just wanted so much to wave a magic wand and make things right for them but unofrtunately it doesn't work that way.

I recomposed myself enough to go downstairs and put my sunglases on. The red face would be masked by the heat and the sunglasses to hide my eyes so that no one would know that I had been crying. I didn't want to talk about it and I didn't want to see anyone else I just felt like I probably made things worse and that was exactly what I didn't do. When Doucette got me alone she was just like you can't do that you can't just say good luck and she started yelling at me how she never wanted to have to translate that again. I told her I know I just didn't know what to say, what do you say to that? She had no answer to that questiy she on but told me that better not happen again. I could tell she felt bad hearing the story too and that's probably why she was upset with me. I told her how I felt useless and I honestly wanted to just talk about it later because I didn't want to lose it again. I pulled up my sunglasses and she backed off. We didn't talk about it I just had to keep on working so that's what we did and in all honesty that is probably what made the day easier. When I threw myself into work I didn't have time to sit and think about the look on the mother's face or the daughters' faces. We went to another clinic that Dr. Joey runs (he runs a lot of clinics in some of the poorest areas around Port Au Prince). When we got there everything was medically oriented and that was more than ok with me. Doucette translated while I took inventory of the makeshift pharmacy and interacted with kids while running prescriptions back and forth. I told myself the day was salvaged because we were able to bring free medical care to many people in need who would otherwise have no access to a doctor or medicine but that only worked until I slowed down. I didn't sleep much that night because when I closed my eyes I saw their faces when I told them I couldn't help them and I started crying again. I was able to talk to my Mom who told me she understood it was sad but it was a lesson I had to learn that I couldn't fix everything and she was sorry that I had to learn it earlier than a lot of people but that it was important to learn. Somehow that didn't help. I still wanted to fix it and I was frustrated. I knew that I had to push that out of my mind to get through the next days but that was so much easier said than done. I am able to think about them now and not burst into tears but re-typing the story still makes me tear up. What has gotten me through it most is talking a bit with Dr. Gina who said to me I know I felt the same way when I sent them to you and knowing that we couldn't fix her world instantly. I asked Dr. Gina if it would be ok if from now on I counseled with her in the room because having an extra team member would help and we could tag team to help better control our own emotions. I liked this idea and two heads are better than one. She told me that she knew enough to ask certain questions but it would make her feel more comfortable to have me there because sometimes I covered things she didn't think to ask. Ever since that realization we have been a great team and I haven't had another day like that but there have been plenty of times where we have said out loud to one another, I wish we could just write a prescription for a job, clean water, food, and shelter but we can't. Often that's what these people need and telling me their problems doesn't fix their empty bellies or lack of a steady income to get things they need and want. So sometimes I feel completely useless but it helps that we are also doing medical work because sometimes we are able to give them water or food with medications so that we can at least provide temporary relief but I still wish we had a more permanent solution.

My saving grace was that the next day went so unbelievably well that I was able to use that to keep me going.

A lesson a day helps the fear slip away...

So you're probably wondering what kind of volunteer work I'm doing while I'm here. The answer is that it varies from day to day but in general, both Doucette and I tend to work in a medical setting and also plan to eventually do some work distributing goods and working in an orphanage in addition to our clinical work. We have been working with a man named Dr. Joey and two other doctors on the team, Dr. Gina and Dr. Jackie. (All of the doctors down here go by their first name it seems). Dr. Joey is the one who runs the clinic and Dr. Gina is visiting from the states so most of the time Doucette translates for Dr. Gina when she sees patients. On the other hand, I get to switch between all three helping with small procedures or just being there to learn how to diagnose. My main job however, has been offering counseling. While we are with these patients, often they will describe their symptoms and we will get to "When did you first start having these symptoms?" and find "The headaches and not eating started after the earthquake" or "I haven't been able to sleep since the earthquake" "I'm scared to be in my house since the earthquake" etc. That's where I come in. Dr. Gina has me in the room and once we hear that I let Dr. Gina probe a little further before turning to me to have me say something for Doucette to translate.

The first day we were doing this, I was not with Dr. Gina, it was only Doucette and I and Dr. Jackie was sending his patients to see me because he said almost everyone is traumatized and whateverd do to help would be great. Although I was a little nervouse, because I wanted to make sure not to cause any further harm, I was also excited to try to help make the patients feel more at ease in any way that I could. It started pretty basic, asking them if they wanted to talk to me, what they wanted to talk to me about, what was bothering them, anything they were scared of etc. I reassured them that I was there to listen and offer support. Although each patient had slightly different fears, all seemed to share fear of having another earthquake (a completely reasoe fear). One woman told me that she was scared if there was an earthquake that she would die and leave her kids all alone. I told her that while I couldn't guarentee there wouldn't be another earthquake, I could help her feel a little more secure and in control of her own fate (which seemed to be what everyone wanted, a sense of control because all of them seemed to feel powerless and vulnerable and that's what was fueling their fear so I thought if I could just offer them some piece of mind it might help). I first started by asking her and other patients first, what sort of things in the environment around them would trigger fear. The most common ones were loud noises, trucks passing by and shaking the ground, enclosed spaces, etc. After that we would talk about what things around them would help them relax, were there any things they saw or did on a daily basis that made them feel a sense of relief and most of the time they would answer yes and then tell me about those things and I would ask them to try and focus on those things when things got tough. Then I would ask about a support system they had, who were they living with, could they talk to the people around them? Did they have a church group they belonged to where they could go when they felt alone? etc. One we got through that and other case specific details, I would ask them if they knew what to do to try to keep themselves safe if another earthquake hit. I was shocked to hear each and every single one of them say no! That's where I attempted to help give them a sense of control over their fate. I would tell them that if another earthquake hits they could try to keep themselves and their loved ones safe by running outside and getting from buildings and other structures that could fall. If at all possible bring something or use something nearby to cover their head to help add protection. If they couldn't make it outside, I told them to try to go under a bed where the mattress would help provide some kind of protection.

While I couldn't erase fears completely in one sitting (obviously) I was happy to see a sense of calm and relief come over their face and hear them tell me that made them feel better. The woman with children who was worried told me she would very much like to talk to me more and even asked for my number so that she can call me when she feels scared. It was an awesome feeling and such a powerful tool, education, to help bring about a sense of relief! I think that it was helpful just to have someone to talk to so I told everyone who I talked to whereto find me if they felt the need to talk again. I reassured them that they were not alone and that this was something many people are struggling with. It was a very powerful experience that first day of work but there was no telling what the days to come would bring.